It Wasn't Supposed to Happen Like This
by katsluvkk
Summary: It's been 15 years since Carly and Freddie made the decision to go into the iCarly studio alone and do what they did. Now join them as they go through accepting their daughter Alaynah's choices, and see how it effects their entire family. Sequel to Beautiful Unraveling.
1. Intro

**I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaacccccccckkkkkk kk! OMG Finally! Hahahaa it's been so long since I've written a story on this site. Well heres my explanation: I couldn't think of a plotline and I've been wanting to do a sequel to Beautiful Unraveling but I couldn't think of a way to do it. So, I came up with this and I really hope you guys like it! If you do, please please please please review and tell me if you like it or if I should just drop it because if no one reviews I won't know if I should continue or not. So please review! :) So this story is pretty much about the life of Carly and Freddie raising their family. I'm going to try my hardest to make it mainly their point of view, but the main focus of this story is Alaynah so you will be reading a lot of her POV as well. Plus a note before you read: Alaynah is not stupid. She is just naive and this is her first time being in love so she is completely devoted to this guy and is being really ignorant and 15 years old. I made her like that for a reason. It's kind of obvious but she's going through a phase of not liking her parents and blaming them on pretty much everything. And I will expand on this more in the future, but she is very mad at her parents for having her at such a young age. Again, I'll explain later. But for now, ENJOY!**

**WARNING: Minor/Major Sexual Content (depending on how you look at it but trust me, it's not lemons. gross.) And drug refrences.**

**I do not own** **iCarly.**

It's been fifteen years since Freddie and I made the mistake and went into the ICarly studio alone. It was wrong. All kinds of wrong and we regretted it so much after it happened, especially when I found out I was pregnant. Being teenage parents was never a dream of ours, but we didn't have a choice. _We_ made the decision to do what we did so we had to take responsibility for it. And we did. 8 months and 2 weeks later we were blessed with our first daughter Alaynah Marie Shay Benson. She was absolutely perfect with her brown hair, brown eyes and her cute litte dimples. Raising her at sixteen wasn't the easiest thing to do, but it wasn't impossible. With the help of Spencer and Sam, we raised Alaynah in Spencer's apartment until Freddie proposed to me. We got married quickly and moved into a small suburban house in downtown Seattle, about 30 minutes away from Bushwell and Ridgeway. We were so happy. Then, years later when things had settled down a bit and Alaynah was older, we became pregnant again and shortly after had our second daughter, whom we named Kailey Rosaline Benson. She has blonde hair and blue eyes, making her look exactly like my mom, which just made me love her even more. We had the perfect family. Atleast, that's probably what people thought. But behind closed doors, we were just as messed up as than anybody else.

"Kailey . . . Kailey! Wake up! You're going to be late!" I heard Freddie yell for the fifth time down the hall towards Kailey's room. The door was locked, which was against the rules, and a few moans and groans were heard, indicating she didn't plan on getting up any time soon. It was a battle every morning. For some strange reason, it's a surprise that she has to go to school every day.

"Freddie, when has that ever worked?" I asked him while laying out plates and popping Pop Tarts into the toaster.

"What else am I supposed to do? We have to leave and if I'm late for work again because of her, she's grounded. GROUNDED!" He said louder so Kailey could hear him. Freddie had gotten a job as the Physics teacher at Ridgeway, much to Alaynah's disapproval, but Freddie didn't care. This way, he could continue doing what he loved and keep an eye on the one he loved. I thought it was cute. "Hey, where is Alaynah?"

"I think she left already." The Pop Tart jumped up. All of a sudden, Kailey comes out of her room, dressed, hair brushed and completely polished, not a single hint that she had just been in the bed moments ago whining and crying about how she hates the world.

"Hi, Daddy." Kailey said to Freddie as she sat down and bit into her breakfast. "Hey, Mom."

"Morning." We said in unison. Freddie then asked, "Where's your sister?"

Kailey shrugged.

"Can you eat that in the car? We have to go." Kailey reluctantly nodded, hugged me goodbye, and ran out to the car where she climbed into the passenger seat. Freddie grabbed his keys and binder. "Okay, so there's a faculty meeting at four so I won't be home until probably six. Think you can hold the fort down until I get back?"

I half smiled at him. "Yeah. I'll be fine. I love you." I kissed him on the lips quickly and he left with Kailey. I sighed. Lately, we hadn't been getting along very well. I figured it was one of those things that happen to a couple after you've been married for a certain amount of time. But Freddie and I had only been married for about 13 years, which is a lot when you think about it, but really short compared to a lifetime. Usually when we got into a fight, we would ignore each other for a few hours or days, depending on the degree of the fight, and then make up, in more ways than one. But for the past few months, we haven't been making up. We'd just fight . . . and fight . . . and fight. There was nothing in between. And the fights were over stupid stuff, like who's turn it was to wash the dishes or who left the toothpaste cap on the sink unscrewed. But those stupid fights would fuel even bigger battles. It would even come to a point where either Freddie or I would yell something along the lines of not wanting to be married to the other or wishing our lives would've turned out differently. Those were the worst nights. When we had those kinds of fights, I would sleep in one of the girls' beds, just to be reassured that someone loved me, even if it wasn't Freddie. And then the next morning, we wouldn't even talk about it, like it never happened. Which is exactly what just happened. He just smiled at me like we were perfectly fine, like we hadn't yelled and screamed that we hated each other last night. Sometimes I wondered if this was meant to be. Sometimes I wondered if we just forced it to happen. Sometimes I wondered –

"MOM! WHERE IS MY LEAPARD BRA!? I NEED MY LEAPARD BRA!" I jumped, startled by the voice I thought had already left. I heard her stomping all throughout the house, then ruffling through clothes, and to finish it all off , a scream of frustration when she didn't find what she was looking for. I rolled my eyes.

"Allie, what are you doing here!? You're supposed to be at school!" I left the kitchen and went into her room which was coated with popular boy singers of the time plastered on her wall and so many dirty clothes that I couldn't even see her carpet anymore. Alaynah was frantically running around the room looking for her bra, wearing only a pair of underwear and white camisole. "Allie, put on some clothes and let's go! You can't be late for school. You have a history test today."

While still looking through her clothes she says, "I'm not going to school with you. I'm going with Shawn."

"First of all, don't ever tell me _what you're going to do _ever again. You don't get to tell me what you're going to do. You're 15. Second of all, I don't know Shawn, and neither does your father, so you will ride with me."

"MOM!" She protested, finally pausing to look at me.

"Get dressed. If you're not ready by 7, you're grounded for 1 month."

"UGH! I hate you! You always do this to me!" _Ugh, this again _I thought to myself. I missed the days when the only words she could say were "momma" and "daddy". It's so easy to forget that we actually had good times before she turned into this angst ridden teenager. I honestly didn't realize how fast those years went by until they were gone. And I missed them like crazy.

After about 15 minutes of arguing and groaning, Alaynah finally managed to find an outfit that I approved of which consisted of a plaid button down shirt, blue jeans, and Toms shoes. She grabbed a Pop Tart, which at this point wasn't even warm anymore, and headed out to the car with me.

The whole car ride was filled with complete and utter silence. She chewed on her Pop Tart and looked out the window. I noticed her looking at her phone every 2 minutes, with no new messages. I figured she was waiting for "Shawn" to text her. I couldn't wait to tell Freddie about him. The last time Alaynah had had a "boyfriend" Freddie decided to put a baseball bat on the front porch with a sticky note that read "Treat her right or I'll kill you" It was kind of blunt, but I guess it worked. Allie was the one to break it off. Apparently, he was a lousy kisser (which got Alaynah grounded for telling me because she wasn't allowed to be kissing him period. It was one of Freddie's rules). Halfway through the drive, Allie pulled out her MP3 and plugged in her headphones, sending me a silent message that let me know that she had no intention on talking to me, probably for the rest of the day.

**Alaynah's POV**

_Ugh, Shawn text me! Text me! Why won't you text me!? _I was going crazy in my own mind. He told me would text me to tell me when he was on his way to pick me up and my plan was to tell him that I had to go with my mom but he didn't text. I just didn't want him to be mad. If he went to my house and I wasn't there, he would be mad and he would break up with me. Ugh! I should've worn my leopard bra. He loves that bra. He always says that I haven't filled out like I should have and that bra makes me look busty. He likes when I look good. I think it's just because of the crowd he hangs out with. He wants me to fit in with their look and I find that totally adorable. I mean, if he didn't want me for the long run, he wouldn't care what I looked like, right? That's what my friends tell me anyway. Well, not my _friends _friends; the girls that hang out in the group. They have a bad reputation. People think they sleep around with a different guy every week, which is so untrue. Most of them only have like one boyfriend a month. But when I'm with the group, I don't really pay attention to them. All my focus is on Shawn. The beautiful, popular, senior, 17 year old, perfect Shawn. All of the sophomores want him, but he picked me. I still don't know why, but he did. But I don't think about that when I'm with him. I think about the way he holds my hand whenever we walk together, or the way he kisses my neck no matter who's watching, or the way he tells me I'm the most beautiful girl he's ever seen. People tell me he's only using my to get me into bed, but if that were true, we would've already done it and he would've left. But he tells me that I can wait however long I want before we do it. He's such a gentlemen.

"We're here." Mom said, which I barely heard over the Lil' Wayne music blasting in my ear. God, if mom knew the lyrics to this song . . .

"See you." I said quickly and jumped out of the car before she could pull me back in and give me one of her mini lectures, which usually end up being about 15 minutes long. I swear, she's trying to ruin my life. How does she not remember what it's like to be 15? I mean, that was only a year before she had me. She should understand out of all people that I just want to be a teenager. That's probably all she wanted to be instead of taking care of some whining baby all day. God, I'm never ending up like her. Her life must suck.

As soon as I got out of the car, I ran to the bathroom before the morning bell rang. When the stall was locked, I trade my "mommy approved" clothes for my "Shawn approved" clothes. I came out of the stall and stood in front of the full length mirror. I was wearing a black camisole under a black, see-through, lace, long sleeved top along with ripped skinny jeans and flip flops. I pulled out my makeup kit, which my parents didn't even know existed, and powdered on foundation, concealer, eye liner, and mascara. I looked hot.

_**RRRRRRIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNGGGGGG **_

I groaned at the bell. I was so dreading first period. It was given that Mr. Hallsey was going to yell at me for not doing my homework, then tell my dad that I didn't do it, and I would come home to a long lecture about how I represent him at our school. I hate how he blames me for people not liking him. If it were up to me I wouldn't of let him get the job in first place. He's always checking up with teachers to see if I was "cooperative" or "attentive" in class. So, just so he wouldn't scream at me every day, I was. I didn't cause trouble in my classes. But they only place I could get away from him was when I was with Shawn behind the building, which was where I was headed.

After all of the freshmen cleared out of the outside café, I quickly dashed around the tables, trying not to draw attention to myself because there were still some teachers eating breakfast on the other side of the café. When I was out of sight from them, I steadied my pace and prepared myself to see Shawn. As I got closer, I saw them: Amber, Chloe, Tyler, Megan, Jason, Mike, and Shawn. He was wearing a black beanie that covered his short, black hair. He was also wearing his signature leather jacket, ripped, dark jeans and worn out Chuck Taylors. I almost let out a small groan of appreciation.

"Hey baby." He greeted me.

"Hey." I said shyly. We had been together for 2 months and I still felt butterflies whenever I was around him. He kissed me on the lips long and hard and then slipped me under his arm while he continued his conversation with the others.

"So, after school?" Ashley sounded as if she were confirming something. The group nodded.

"What's after school?" I asked Shawn after the group had dispersed. I knew they weren't going to class, but were probably just going to throw fat cakes at joggers. Reminded me so much of Auntie Sam.

"Nothing you'd be into." He reached out into his pocket and pulled out a small bag of weed and paper. I knew he smoked, I did, but I hated talking about it or even thinking about it. I hated it when he was high. He treated me like garbage, and he knew it. He just didn't care.

"Oh." I said. He smiled and pushed me backwards, sandwiching me between him and the brick wall behind me, leaving virtually no space between us. His hands were everywhere at once; my face, my back, my legs. I loved the way he touched me and he knew just where to do it to make me squirm. He knew every inch of me. Well, every inch that he had seen. He made me want to do more, every time I was with him. He has this way to him that makes it so hard to say no. Sometimes . . . sometimes I just can't. Sometimes I have to give in.

"Come to the closet with me?" He asked, still kissing my neck.

But this time, I couldn't. "Sorry." I ducked out of his grip and turned to face him. "I have to get to class. My dad will flip out if he knows I ditched."

"Your damn dad ruins everything. He's such a cock blocker!" He said jokingly, but I knew he was serious. "Okay well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow."

"What about this afternoon? I can tell my parents I'm doing a club or something and sneak over to your place." I pleaded.

"I got plans . . ." He tapped his weed pocket. I nodded, suddenly remembering.

"Oh." I started backing up, ready to leave.

"Babe, I want to spend time with you. I do, okay? But I can't come to your house, and trust me, unless you want to get high second handily, I wouldn't come to mine. I mean, we could always go to your house during lunch or something."

"But we can only leave for lunch for about 30 minutes and it takes 10 minutes to get there and 10 minutes to get back. What could we do in a couple minutes? . . . Oh." I blushed. Really hard. I knew what he was suggesting, he always did, but he did it in a way that didn't pressure me, but it gave me a choice. Unfortunately for him, I always chose no. But sometimes, times like this, really made me want to say yes. So . . . I did.

"Okay."

He turned, bug eyed, so shocked at what he just heard. "What!? Did you just say . . . okay?"

I nodded and smiled. "I mean, Shawn, we're going to do it eventually, might as well be now. I don't really want to wait anymore." I wrapped my arms around his neck, something I used to see my mom do with my dad all the time. "I just want to be with you."

He smiled. And it wasn't the smirk that he always wore. This was a genuine smile. He was happy. And that's what I lived for. "Today, at lunch?" I nodded and he kissed me. "I'll bring the condoms."

And all of a sudden, my stomach dropped.

**Lunchtime (at Alaynah's house)**

_You don't have to do this. You can wait. He said you can wait. _So many thoughts were running through my head as I was sitting in my bed, wearing my leopard bra (which I finally found under my stupid driver's Ed book) and the matching underwear covered by a pink silk robe from my mom's bathroom. I knew I didn't need to do this, that I shouldn't be doing this, but I wanted to. I wanted to get this huge milestone that everyone seems to talk about over with. I mean, my parents did it when they were sixteen, they can't actually expect me not to do it when they did it, can they? They're so annoying. They tell me all the time, "Don't have sex out of wedlock" or "If you do, talk to us first. We won't be happy, but we will prepare you as best we can". But the truth is, if I ever told them I was going to do it with Shawn, they would lock me up in my room, kill Shawn, and make me wear a toga for the rest of my life. And that's why I wasn't going to tell them I was sleeping with Shawn, let alone dating him. They didn't have to know, it wasn't they're business. I mean, the only reason they would have to know was if I got pregnant, and unlike them, I'm smart enough to know that if you don't wear something, you will probably get knocked up. That wouldn't happen to me. I won't end up like my parents.

"Hey!" Shawn exclaimed as he jumped through my window. I screamed, not prepared for the sudden noise interrupting the silence I was sitting in.

"Gosh," I gasped for air and put my hand over my heart, "you scared me." He kissed me and sat on the bed.

"You look beautiful."

"Thank you." I smiled a stupid, giddy, ear to ear smile unwillingly. He smiled back, but I was pretty sure he was laughing at me which caused me to blush. We stared at each other for a good few minutes before he started to take off my robe. I froze. I didn't know what to do so I just let it happen. I just sat there. I just sat there when he kissed me . . . everywhere; my legs, my chest, my neck. I just sat there when he unclipped my bra like a pro, like he'd done it a thousand times before, which he probably had. I just sat there when he took off all his clothes besides his underwear. I just laid there when he climbed on top of me and put his hands wherever he wanted to, as if I was his property. I just laid there when he removed the rest of our clothing and all that had ever been mine was also his now. I just laid there when he rolled on a condom. I just laid there the whole time, crying silently, and wishing it could be over. I didn't look at Shawn and I didn't want to. He didn't even seem to care that it was my first time and when I thought about it, why would he? He had done this millions of times. He probably didn't even remember his first time or how scared or nervous he was, if he was even those things. But I was. And I needed someone to ask me if I was okay and even if I said yes, they would ask again, because they knew I was lying. That's who I needed. But I settled. I settled for someone who didn't care if I was hurt, but only cared about what I was wearing and how my boobs looked. I settled for Shawn.

After he left, I just laid there. I just laid there until my parents came home and I told them I didn't feel good so I came home at lunch. I just laid there when Kailey wanted to play dolls with me but eventually went to play with dad. I just laid there when Shawn called me to "schedule" another time we could do it. I just laid there and cried.

**Sooooo? Whadya think? Should I continue or just stop completely b/c no one is going to read this and I will be spending hours of my time publishing stories that only I will ever read? Please tell me in the review! And again, I will elaborate on the whole Alaynah situation and why she's so angry with her parents as we get farther into the story, that is, if I continue! Oh, and I wanted to add there will be much more of other characters (Sam, Spencer and their families) but this was just an intro, like a pilot ep for a tv show. So thank you for reading! I really appreiciate it! Please review and have a great day! :):)**


	2. I Just Wish I Could Go Back

**Ok, so first off . . . THANK YOU SO MUCH! I got the most wonderful reviews over the past couple days and I can't express how grateful I am for them. Thank you to CatHeartsU, SirRay, PD31, Peasinapod97, and PeaceLoveLennon for the reviews! You guys are the ones that made me keep going with this series and I appreciate each and everyone of you! So, before you begin reading let me remind you: Reanne is Spencer's wife, Kory is Sam's husband, and Josh is Sam and Kory's son. I just wanted to tell you that b/c it's been so long since I wrote the epilogue to _Beautiful Unraveling _that I figured some would forget, so that's a reminder! Please enjoy! Oh, and btw, it's September. (Hahaa as some of you know, I totally screwed up on my timeline on _Beautiful Unraveling_ so I'm gonna see how this one goes!)**

**I do not own iCarly.**

My mom was talking. My dad was talking. Kailey was laughing. The dishwasher was running. The TV was playing. But I didn't hear any of it. All of those noises were drowned out by my own heartbeat. _Bum-bum bum-bum. Bum-bum bum-bum. _That's all I heard. I had never heard it so loud before, but I knew why. I was always thinking inside my head. Thinking about stupid stuff sometimes, but nonetheless, something was always on my mind. But not anymore. I couldn't think about anything. I couldn't even talk. I hadn't even spoken to my parents since yesterday when they found me in my room, crying. I didn't tell them what happened, obviously, but believe it or not, I wanted to. I wanted to cry into my mom's arms and tell her what had just happened. She wouldn't have been happy, but she would've understood. I had always wondered what she felt like after she had done it for the first time. Guilt? Shame? Regret? Because that's exactly how I felt. And I couldn't even imagine what she felt like when she found out she was expecting me. She probably felt disgusted. I would too. God, it's not fair that she didn't get to be a teenager. She didn't get to go to homecoming. She didn't get to go to prom. She didn't even get to graduate. She had to settle for a GED and then went to online college, only to get an associate's degree in culinary arts, which is good, but I knew my mom wanted to be a five star chef in a fancy restaurant, not a line chef at a local Ruby Tuesday. She had to settle for me. It wasn't fair.

"Are you going to eat, sweetie?" Dad asked me. I looked down at my untouched plate of pancakes and bacon. I hadn't even picked up my fork to pretend I was eating. I obviously wasn't functioning properly.

Right when I was ready to answer, I looked up at my father and froze. Everyone had always told me that my eyes were exact mimics of his. I had never really realized how spot on they were with that remark. They were exactly the same. So when he looked into my eyes, did he see himself? Did he see a girl that is just bound to end up like him? If he didn't now, and then found out what I had done less than 24 hours ago, he would soon. I didn't want him to think I was a "bad girl". I didn't want him to think any less of me. Could he tell just by looking at me if I was different than yesterday? Could he tell that I wasn't the same person? I hoped not. "Yes daddy, I'm done." I managed to get out.

As he took my plate, my mom's, and Kailey's, my mom asked me, "Are you alright? You seem . . ."

"Weird." Kailey finished. She was putting her hair into one big braid in the back of her head. I had taught her how to do that.

"I was doing to say distant, Kailey. So, Alaynah? What's wrong?"

I turned to her, and then Kailey, who were both staring intently at me. They were my family. My own flesh and blood. I used to tell mom everything, even if it was bad or I really didn't want to talk about it. I just used to love talking to her. But that was then, and unfortunately, this is now. So I couldn't tell my mom everything. If I did, things would change. My family wouldn't talk to me anymore. They would just think that I was going to turn out into a slut or get knocked up. I just wished they understood that I was going to be different than them. I wasn't going to ruin my life. "Yeah, mom, I'm fine." I put on a smile, just for her.

She smiled back. "That's great!" My dad said, clapping his hands together. We all turned and looked at him. "Because we're going to Spencer and Reanne's baby shower this afternoon."

"That's this afternoon?" Mom asked.

"Yeah, we talked about it last night, remember?"

"No, I don't." I could tell there was heat between them. Mom was scowling at dad like she would take a knife and stab him if he said the wrong thing. "Anyways Alaynah," she said, turning her gaze towards me, "since I guess we're going to the baby shower today, will you atleast try to perk up? Reanne is five months along and from what Spencer has told me, the slightest thing will set her off. So try to be on your best behavior okay?"

I was going to snap at her with some smart ass remark, but then I noticed the circles under her eyes. I noticed the look dad was giving her, as if he couldn't stand to hear her talk. So I just nodded.

* * *

As I was getting ready later that day, I was looking in the mirror on my dresser. I saw my reflection and how depressed and frightened I looked. I pulled out my makeup kit from my backpack and rubbed on some foundation, but it was light enough so that my parent wouldn't notice. After I was done, I noticed a red spot on my bed from the reflection in the mirror. It wasn't huge, but it was big enough to stand out. I turned around, stood up, walked to my bed and stared at it.

It was blood.

The feeling in my legs all of a sudden disappeared and I was on the ground sobbing into my hands. It was so hard to cry without anyone else in the house hearing me, but somehow I managed to do it. I had gotten too good at hiding things from my parents that it actually scared me. But I didn't know if I could hide this. And not just the blood; I meant the shame as well. I just wanted to rewind back to yesterday. I would've just gone to class, scored an B on my history test, talked to my friends, laughed at my math teacher's ridiculous hair piece, and gone home. But I didn't do that. Instead, I spent the afternoon crying after my boyfriend didn't even give a damn about how I felt after my first time with him, let alone, first time in general. I had always told my parents, well my mom (my dad wasn't allowed to hear those conversations), that my first time was going to be with someone that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. And at the time, I wasn't lying. But I was lying to myself yesterday, when I told myself over and over again that Shawn was the one and I was ready. I just wished I could go back. I wanted to go back.

"Alaynah! Are you ready?" Dad called from what I was assuming the living room, judging from the volume of his voice.

I quickly stood up and wiped the tears and any evidence that I had just been bawling on my floor. "Coming, Dad!" I answered while collecting the sheets and stuffing them deep inside my closet. As I was walking out, I saw that the blood hadn't only gotten on the sheets, but had bled through them and had stained my mattress. That made me want to cry all over again. But then I would have to explain myself, which I wasn't going to be able to do. So I grabbed my comforter that had fallen on the floor, laid it over the mattress, and walked out to the car with my family, as if there was nothing wrong with me whatsoever.

**Carly's POV**

"So is Sam coming? I haven't talked to her in a while." Freddie said, keeping his eyes on the road and hands on the steering wheel. I remembered when, earlier in our marriage, he would hold my hand while driving and keep the other one of the steering wheel. He hadn't done that in years.

"Yeah, her, Kory, and the Josh."

"Josh is coming? Yes!" Kailey exclaimed. She loved Josh. She had since he was born, but with him being 6 and her being 8, this was the time for both of them to experience their first crushes, which was what was happening. Josh had a crush on Kailey, but Kailey had a crush on Drew, Kory's little brother. I thought it was cute whereas Freddie always sat in-between two of them if he thought one of the boys was sitting too close to his daughter. The two of them (Josh and Drew) fought over Kailey nonstop when all three of them were together, which was often because our family and Sam's family live so close to each other. Sam would even pick the girls up from school sometimes and bring them over to her house. I always thought it was weird that I saw Freddie everyday like I did when we were younger and our relationship kept getting worse, but I didn't see Sam everyday and our relationship was just getting better.

"Yes, Kailey, Josh _and _Drew are coming." I told her. Kailey let out a loud "woohoo" and Freddie groaned. I rolled my eyes. "So Alaynah, do you want to tell me why this "Shawn" keeps calling the house?"

From the reflection in the rearview mirror, I could see her whole body clench up. "Um, I don't know. He's just a friend."

"He better be." Freddie mumbled under his breath.

I rolled my eyes again. Before I could add onto what Freddie said, Alaynah said quickly, "I'll tell him to stop calling. I promise." She looked out the window and that was all I could get out of her. Something was going on, and I could tell. I knew she didn't think that I remembered what it was like to be a 15 year old. I could tell that's what she thought. But I did. I remembered it so much because that was the last year I had to actually be a teenager; go out with my friends, take a nap _whenever _I wanted to, and actually just . . . live. _I knew _she didn't understand what that felt like, and I hoped she never had to.

When we pulled into the Bushwell garage, I saw Alaynah take out a sweater from the trunk, covering her entire upper body, as if she were hiding something. I knew she didn't know, but I could read her like an open book; I knew her mannerisms all too well.

We all walked together up to our old floor. Every time I visited Spencer and Reanne, a sense of nostalgia washed over my entire body. And at the worst of times, I wished that I could just go back to _that day._ Sometimes, I really, really wanted to.

Freddie knocked and less than 3 seconds later, Spencer was at the door. "Finally, you guys are here!" He pulled me into a hug first, kissed me on the cheek, said he missed me, and moved on to the rest of the family. When he was greeting Alaynah and Kailey, Freddie pulled me to the side, out of the view of Spencer and the girls.

"Can we talk?" He asked, kind of nervously.

"Of course."

"Okay, we both know that this," he pointed back and forth between us, "isn't going to fly past Spencer."

"What do you mean?"

"He knows when we're fighting. I don't know how, but he just does."

I looked at him, slightly confused. "Um . . . okay? I don't know what you want me to say."

He took a deep breath, as if he were annoyed. I hated that. "I think that for today, we should atleast act like we get along. I mean, the girls are going to notice something too if were sitting on opposite sides of the room."

I stared at him, trying to comprehend what he was saying. And then, when I finally did, I was pissed."Oh, so what you're saying is, that just for today, we should just _pretend _that we still love each other?" I asked, in a happy-go-cheery voice. At first, he was smiling, thinking that I was actually going to go along with his stupid plan, but then it hit him that I was being sarcastic.

"What's your problem?"

"Are you serious right now!?" At this point, Spencer and the girls had gone into the apartment and were now greeting Reanne and her 5 month baby bump so I wasn't afraid to raise my voice. As long as my family didn't hear us, I really didn't care who did. "You are actually suggesting that we _act _like we love each other! It's obvious that we don't anymore! And the fact that you would want to pretend rather than to actually go get help for our relationship just pisses me off even more! I mean . . ." I was on the break of crying, so I turned my head and wiped my teary eyes. I felt his hand on my hip but I moved so he wasn't touching me anymore. I didn't want his sympathy. "Why can't we just talk about it?" I asked, my voice breaking.

He was about to say something, and for a moment, I thought we were actually going to have a real conversation, maybe even fix all of our broken pieces. But that didn't happen. As soon as he opened his mouth, Sam, Kory, Drew, and Josh came around the corner and all screamed "hey" when they saw us. I looked at Freddie one last time, hoping he would say something like "meet me later so we can talk" but he didn't. And at that point, I don't really think I cared, because in the back of my mind, I knew no matter how much we said we wanted to work it out, I don't really think we did.

* * *

"So, when are you due?" Sam asked, while also managing to shove a chili dog down her throat. She still hadn't changed. I loved that so much about her.

Reanne rubbed her stomach affectionately. "He will be here on the 17th of January. Atleast that's what the doctor told me. But I remember Carly's pregnancies and was early with both of them."

I laughed, remembering being pregnant all those years ago. "Yeah, it was weird. I was two weeks early with both the girls. But it's different for everybody." She smiled at me. I had always thought Reanne was really beautiful. She had long blonde hair with streaks of brown that were only noticeable if her hair was up in a ponytail. She was wearing a long sundress with sandals. As she was stroking her hair, I saw the beautiful diamond on her hand. I remembered Spencer telling me how long it had taken him to save up for that ring. I was so happy for them.

"Reanne, can you come here? The toilet is clogged up again!" Spencer called her from the back room.

She rolled her eyes. "Coming!" To Sam and I she said, "I'm the pregnant one, and I'm still doing all of the manual labor." She laughed and disappeared into the back room.

I turned to Sam. "So, how is everything? Ever since I started my new job I haven't been able to talk to you as often."

"I know! I've missed you Shay! Oh, wait, sorry. I guess it's Benson now. Wow, after 13 years I still haven't gotten used to it." She took another bite of chili dog.

"Believe it or not, neither have I." I half smiled, trying to put up a happy front for her, my best friend, but even for her it was hard. I looked around the room, which was crowded with people I didn't know; Reanne's family, Spencer's co-workers, and some of the apartment residents. I also saw Kailey, who was sitting on the stairs, wearing her white skirt, floral tank top, and sandals, listening intently to Drew, smiling, while Josh was in the kitchen, filling up two plates with sweets, one I was guessing was for Kailey. I smiled at him. Freddie was talking to Kory, probably about stupid tech stuff. Throughout our (Sam and I) whole entire friendship, she had always hated techno guys. She made fun of them constantly, Freddie usually being the victim. But all of a sudden, out of nowhere, she falls in love with the cutest dork (right behind Freddie) she spots one day at the supermarket. To this day I thought it was weird. But after searching and searching my eyes finally fell on Alaynah, all the way in the corner on the ground, hugging her knees to her chest. I stared at her for a while, trying to figure out what she was doing. Her eyes kept following people that were moving, and when they were gone, she would just find someone else to stare at. Her eyes traveled the room until they found mine. She took a deep breath and started to stand up.

"Sam, I'll be right back." I said quickly, not even looking at her. I was trying to get up as fast as I could so I could follow her. She managed to get through the crowd and make her way upstairs. I chased her until we got into the iCarly studio, where there was nowhere else she could go. The room was now filled with useless storage. But there were still props; Freddie's tech cart, our half-car, and on top of the hood, was Sam's remote.

"Leave me alone! Can't you tell that I don't want to talk to you?!" She screamed. I was so happy that Freddie had soundproofed the room long ago. She hugged her sweater around her body again, which I found so strange, seeing as how the air conditioner in the apartment was broken (classic), and with all of the people, it was around 90 degrees. I was burning up.

"Why are you being like this, Allie? You are never like this." I said, in a pleading voice.

"You _don't know me._" She glared at me.

"Alaynah," I took a deep breath before saying, "I know you don't get it, okay? You don't get what it's like to have a child, and have that child grow up, and change so much. It's heartbreaking." She wasn't looking me in the eye, but I knew she was listening. "You are 15 years old. You are young, and want to do _everything _that me and your father tell you not to do. I remember what it was like-"

"You couldn't possibly know what it's like to be a teenager! You didn't even have the chance to know! You ruined your own life and now you're taking it out on me! You and dad have this weird assumption that I'm going to turn out just like the two of you, but I'm not! I'm not some dumb little girl that doesn't know what a condom is!" My daughter just said condom. "You screwed up your own life. Don't think I will too."

I felt like it was a dream. It had to be, because in real like, my 15 year old daughter wouldn't speak to me like that. But then I let out a breath, and I knew it was real. My heart was racing, and I knew I was about to cry. But if I did, I would give her the satisfaction of hurting my feelings. She is the child. I am the adult. I would not let her forget that. I stepped closer to her, so close that I could feel her breath. "_You _do not talk to _me _like that. EVER. Do it again, and I will _not hesitate _to send you off to live at _God knows where!_ But until then young lady, you are grounded for 2 months. But that, trust me, is not permanent. It could go for much longer if you so much as look at me the wrong way. Are we clear?"

And finally, she looked at me. It didn't seem like she was mad anymore, if she was even mad in the first place. Her eyes were just . . . sad. She wasn't saying anything, but I could hear her crying for help. And no matter how mad I was at her, I wanted to take her in my arms and tell her that everything was going to be okay, even though I didn't know _what _was going to be okay. A tear escaped her eye and I tried my hardest not to wipe it away. I was so used to doing everything for her; making her meals, putting her to bed, making her feel better. But she was getting older and I couldn't do that anymore. She had to do it on her own.

"Yeah, we're clear." And before I could say anything else, she moved past me and went back downstairs.

And then, finally, it hit me.

The hugging her knees; she was trying to guard herself. The wrapping her sweater around her body; she didn't want anybody to see her, at all. The no eye contact; she didn't want me to be able to read her. The no talking; she didn't want the guilt or shame to be heard. I had done all of those right after _that day._

My 15 year old daughter wasn't a virgin anymore.

**Well? Personally, I like the way Carly found out. She knows her daughter so much and didn't even need her to talk to tell that something was wrong. I thought it was a good way to show their relationship, atleast I think so :) Tell me what you think! Your reviews are the thing that keep me going! Thank you for reading!**


	3. I Have No One

**PLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAASSSS SEEEEE dont kill me hahahaa. I know it's been FOREVER since I've updated and I'm so sorry for that! At first it was because I wanted to wait until I got more reviews and then I realized that was selfish. So little less than a month ago I started writing this chapter, then I got sick, then I had SO MUCH make up work I had to do, then I just got plain lazy. But I have today off so I decided to finish this chapter. Okay, just a warning, this isn't my greatest. To be honest, it's just a bunch of talking. Something (or things I guess) does happen in the chapter but it's literally just talking. But nevertheless, I hope you enjoy! Sorry about the long wait :/**

**Language warning.**

**I do not own** **iCarly.**

**2 weeks later**

**Carly POV**

I stared at myself in the mirror for longer than I wanted to. My hair was ruffled, my cheeks were red, and my lips were wet from rinsing the toothpaste out of my mouth. Behind me, I heard Freddie, in the shower, humming a song he said had been stuck in his head all day. Even though it was just humming, it was very pitchy and I almost wanted to laugh. Almost. I looked at myself in the mirror again. _What kind of mother am I? _I asked myself. My 15 year old daughter wasn't a virgin anymore. I felt disgusted. I was supposed to prevent this from happening. You would think that getting pregnant at 16 was a good enough message but I guess not. Alaynah didn't understand that no matter how many times you say, "This will never happen to me", there's always a possibility that it will, whatever the "it" is. The assumption that she will never get pregnant at her age would only be preventable if she didn't have sex, and obviously she wasn't taking that precaution. I wasn't prepared for this. Not yet. I thought _maybe _I would have atleast one more year to prepare, but she got a head start. I didn't understand why she had to be like that; so ignorant. I know, I know, she's a teenager. I was a teenager too and I wasn't that ignorant. I knew you could get pregnant at a young age if you didn't use anything, I just wasn't smart about it. But I moved on. I moved on to worrying about me less and worrying about Alaynah more. And the more I worried about her, the more I realized there was reason to worry. She was young, and so, so naïve. I wish I could somehow _show her_ that the unexpected happens all the time. The only way to do that would be for her to get pregnant. And I certainly _did not _want that to happen.

The shower water turned off and Freddie stepped out. When he saw me, he jumped, almost slipped, but regained his balance. "When do you get in here?" He asked. He suddenly realized he was naked, standing in front of me. I didn't really care; it wasn't like I hadn't seen any of it before, I mean, we had been married for 13 years and had two kids. But he quickly grabbed a towel anyway, and wrapped it around his lower body.

"I had to brush my teeth. Sorry. I didn't think you would mind. We're married." I reminded him.

"I _know _were married, Carly." He walked out of the master bathroom and into the bedroom towards his dresser where I followed.

"Then why do you care if I'm in the bathroom when you shower?"

"I don't!" He took a deep breath after realizing his tone. "I don't mind. You just scared me."

This argument was pointless, much like all of the other arguments we always have. They always start with some small disagreement and build up into a huge battle. I wasn't doing this tonight. Not with me feeling the way I did. I was going to lose against Freddie, and just for once, I wanted him on my side in this battle against Alaynah.

"Okay. Fine. Good night." I crawled into my side of the bed, and turned off my bedside table lamp. After Freddie was dressed, fully, he scooted in next to me.

"Carly?" He said softly.

"Yeah?"

"Are we . . . we okay?"

I sat up, turned my lamp back on, and looked at him. The question was such a familiar one, but only familiar in my head. I always asked myself it, but my answer was always no. But I didn't want to tell him that. It would go one or two ways: a.) he would disagree and get pissed that I would even say that or b.) he would agree and want a divorce. I didn't want a divorce; it was my biggest fear. I never want to lose Freddie or the girls. And it scared me that that was a possibility. "Why would you ask that?"

He looked down at his hands instead of me. "We're not okay, are we?"

"I don't know what you want me to say Freddie!" I got out of bed and stood in front of the footboard. "We've been married for more than 10 years. You would think that we would communicate better."

"How the hell are we supposed to communicate when all you do is pick fights with me every time I open my mouth?" He whisper yelled, trying not to wake Kailey. At this point, we were standing in front of each other.

"Me!? Are you kidding me right now!? I'm the one always trying to talk to you, whereas you shut me out 95% of the time we're together!" I could feel my face becoming red and I felt the heat pulsing through Freddie's body. We were standing so close to each other. I remember being younger and not being able to be this close to him without touching. But now, all I could think about was stepping back, getting as far away from him as possible. Which scared me, because if I stepped back, at all, I probably wouldn't come back.

"This," he pointed between himself and me, "is obviously not working. We need . . . we need a break." He said, as if he were exhausted. He probably was, mentally and physically.

"A break?" I heard my voice crack. "What the hell does that mean?"

"That I sleep on the couch for a few days, you know, sort things out."

"Freddie, we don't need to do that! We just need to talk. We need to talk about our problems and-"

"Talk? We're not exactly good at that. If I recall correctly, you didn't _tell _me you were pregnant. I _found out _from a bill from an abortion clinic!" That was always a touchy subject for me. I have felt bad about that since it happened and I hated it when he brought it up. I felt a tear escape and I saw it hit the floor.

"I already said I was sorry about that. I keep saying it. After a certain point, you're going to have to forgive me."

"Eventually I will." He started towards the front of the bed and grabbed a pillow, and paused. Then he said, "Carly, you know I love you, right? That hasn't changed."

I stared at him. He was wearing a thin white t-shirt and blue, striped boxers. His hair wasn't brushed and was sticking up in all directions. I used to love waking up and seeing him so new, so raw. He was so perfect in my eyes, even now. It was just different now. He was still Freddie, but not the Freddie I grew up with. We were kids back then, and we were forced to grow up at such a young age that it always made me wonder if we were trying to force this relationship. _Would we be together if Alaynah hadn't come? _I had always asked myself. I wouldn't know the answer, because she did come at the time that she did, and I can't exactly go back in time and change that. He was still Freddie, but he had changed. We had changed.

"No, I don't know that. You never say it and you _certainly _don't show it. Freddie, we haven't . . ." I motioned toward the bed, "in months. We used to not be able to _not _touch each other when we were in bed together. What happened?" I was full out crying now. I tried not to, but it was pointless. They were going to come out anyway.

"Time happened, I guess. We grew up and got older. Which sucked." He sat down on the bed, still holding the pillow, as if he didn't know whether to stay or go. _Don't go_, I silently pleaded in my head. "I'm sorry I haven't been myself lately. I'm just . . . I'm really worried about Alaynah, you know? She's getting older and I feel like we don't have a lot of time left before she starts, like, dating and all that. I'm not ready for it."

For that entire argument, I hadn't even thought about my newfound information of Alaynah. Then he said her name, and it all came back. I closed my eyes, trying to think of a way to possibly squeeze it into conversation. I knew I had to tell him, but God knows I didn't want to. When I opened my eyes, he was staring at his hands again, and I could tell he was fighting back tears.

"Freddie?"

"Yeah?" He looked up at me.

"I need to tell you something. And . . . you're not going to like it."

He laughed. Not a "ha-ha" laugh, more like a "God, what now" kind of laugh. "What is it?"

I took a deep breath. "Alaynah . . . Freddie, Alaynah isn't . . . she's not . . ."

"Carly."

"Okay, okay." I sat down next to him and took his hands into mine. "Alaynah isn't a virgin anymore."

A pause. A long pause. Then he laughed again. This time it was a "ha-ha" laugh. He laughed for a while. He stood up and laughed some more. He laughed so much he had to bend over and catch his breath. I didn't see the humor, though.

When he was finally done, I went to stand in front of him. "I wasn't joking."

He looked at me again, with a huge smirk on his face. "Yeah, you are! And you seriously had me going there for a minute. That was a good one." He laughed again.

"Freddie, why the hell would I joke about something like this?" I crossed my arms, getting a little annoyed.

His face got a little more serious. "You have to be joking, because if you weren't joking, that would mean that Alaynah, my 15 year old daughter, is no longer a virgin, which would mean, I would have to kill somebody." At this point, he wasn't smiling or laughing at all. "But you are joking, right?"

I looked down at my bare feet.

"Carly!"

"I told you I wasn't!"

"Did she tell you? That doesn't seem like something Alaynah would just blurt out!"

"She didn't. I can just tell." I was still looking down.

"You can _tell_? That's bullshit, Carly."

I looked up at him, now pissed that he thought I was making all of it up, as if I wanted it to be true. "It is not! She's showing all of the same signs I was when I lost my virginity to you!"

"Oh yeah? Like what?"

"She won't make eye contact with me, she keeps covering up her entire body, and she barely talks to anyone, not even Kailey. I did the exact same things after we did . . . what we did. I felt ashamed. I felt disgusted and dirty."

"Nice to know our first time was memorable for you too." He mumbled.

"Freddie!" I knew he was making jokes because he was mad. He always did that.

"Carly, you're reading too much into her behavior. I know her. She's my daughter. She wouldn't . . . she wouldn't do that. She just wouldn't."

"But I did." He looked at me with pleading eyes, begging me silently to not make this all true. "And if I could . . . she could too."

That's when he knew I was right. That broke him. He planted himself back on the bed on the bed and buried his face into his hands. I heard the cries he was trying so hard to keep to himself. I sat next to him and rubbed his back softly. This had been me just mere days ago. I didn't want it to be true either, but as much as I didn't want it to be true, it wasn't about me. This was about Alaynah.

* * *

**Alaynah's POV**

He rolled off from on top of me, out of breath. I immediately pulled the covers over my upper body, as I always did. He laughed at me. "You do realize that I've seen all of that before, right?" He chuckled.

"Yeah, I know. It's just weird still." He laughed again. I smiled a little, trying to convince him that I thought it was funny too, but he wasn't paying any attention to me anymore. He pulled out his bag of weed, and lit up. This was our routine: we did it, he smoked, and then I felt dirty. We did this probably every other day, sometimes twice. I didn't want to, but every time he asked me to hang out, he'd always claim we wouldn't do it, but always ended up doing so. I never protesedt, though. I just wanted to make him happy, and if sex made him happy, so be it. If I ever told my parents what we were doing, and _why I _was doing it, I would get sent to some sort of mental institution because they would assume I was crazy. Maybe I was crazy, but the thing was, I didn't care. I loved Shawn, and he loved me. No one else mattered. _Nothing _else mattered.

"Want a hit?" He asked me while I was pulling on my underwear. The room was filled with smoke and my eyes were burning. I tried my hardest not to cough.

"No, but thanks."

He shrugged. "You know, you really should start smoking. It would make you less uptight." He took another hit then put it out.

I grabbed my pants and shirt and put them on, ignoring his last comment. I didn't really think much of his insults. It was just his way of communicating, which I didn't mind. Atleast we _did _communicate and didn't just stare at each other like my parents did.

When I was finished getting re-dressed, I sat on the bed, facing him. "Since my parents think I'm at Alyssa's tonight, I could probably stay a bit longer." I got up and straddled him on the bed, both my legs on either side of him and started to kiss his neck, trying to persuade him. His hands traveled to my waist and he squeezed, moaning in pleasure. I thrusted on top of his lap and he let out another moan. I smiled. I loved how I could turn him on. But as soon as my hands started roaming near his thighs, he pushed me off of him, not hard, but not gently either. "What?" I asked, shocked.

"We need to talk." He grabbed his jeans and messily put them on. He remained shirtless.

"About what?" I laid back on the headboard of his bed and played lazily played with a 6 pack of condoms that were on his bed side table. I smiled at myself. We had already gone through two 6 packs.

"About this." I looked at him, obviously confused. "About us." He clarified.

I put the condoms down and stood up so I was standing across the room from him. "What about us. We're fine."

He sighed and looked away. "Look, you're a great girl. Just maybe not great for me." He wasn't even focused on me. He was fidgeting with his phone as if it was broken. It probably was. I stood where I was, not exactly sure what to say. "You should find someone that appreciates all that you have to offer."

I felt a tear escaping but I rubbed my eyes quickly, trying not to give him the satisfaction of making me upset. "What, you don't? You don't appreciate me? I don't get it."

"Of course I do, sweetheart." I used to love when he called me that, or any other cute little pet name, but now it kind of pissed me off, as if he was talking to a little girl. I wasn't a little girl. "It's just that you have a little more than I'm looking for."

"What the hell does that mean?"

At this point, I could tell he didn't want to talk anymore. He wanted this to be over fast, but of course, _I _was being difficult. So he cut to the chase. "You're uptight, hate when I smoke, and you're _so damn clingy. _It's like I can't take a shit without you coming to the door and asking if I'm alright. You're, like, crazy or something. I don't want to be dating some lunatic freshman and I'm definitely not going to be stuck with you." I was crying and sobbing and it wasn't attractive. But he just kept on going. "I thought that maybe if we slept together then you would leave me alone every once and a while. But no! You just keep calling and texting. And guess was sweetheart, the sex ain't that great! Now, I'm sorry that I had to tell you like that, but that is the only way you'll understand."

I felt like I couldn't breathe, like the air in the room was getting sucked out by a vacuum. I was still crying and I couldn't stop, but I was able to speak through the sobs. "I . . . I thought you loved me Shawn."

"I never said that, and if I did, I only said it to get into your pants."

"Why would you do this to me? I loved y- "

"God, just shut up with that bullshit! You don't love me. I'm just the only guy that will put up with your crap. Now get out. You're so goddamn annoying." And with that, he was done. He sat down on his bed, the bed where we had become one in, and planted his headphones onto his head. He pressed play and I could hear the Jay Z song booming into his ears.

I wanted to scream at his, even hit him. But I knew that he wouldn't care. He'd just laugh at me and then tell all of his friends about it later. I felt pathetic. I didn't know what to do. So I grabbed my purse and walked. I walked to the movie theatre. There were teenagers there; too happy. I walked to the library. There were students there; too crowded. And then I walked to Bushwell. It took forever to get there, especially since I was on foot, but the pain in my feet wasn't anything compared to what I felt in my heart. When I arrived, it was dark. Like, really dark. I had left Shawn's at around 10 and it took me about an hour to get to Bushwell, so I wasn't expecting anything different. I actually kind of liked it. I went to the entrance, but then stopped. Spencer and Reanne were 6 months pregnant. They didn't need me barging in and dumping all of my problems on them. So I went around back to where the dumpsters were, sat down, and cried until it hurt, and it did. I drowned out all of my surroundings and zoned out completely. I never knew I could hurt this badly. The only real heartbreak I've ever experienced was when my gold fish died. I was seven, and at that age, he was the most important thing in my life. When he died, my family was there for me. But now, the most important thing in my life was Shawn, and just like my goldfish, he had left me. But the difference is, now, I have no one.

**Daaaaaaaannnnng. Intense right? Good :) Poor Alaynah and Carly. Both of them are going through some tough things this chapter. Well, did you like it? I hope so. Please let me know by leaving a review. I would really appreciate it. And the more reviews I get, the faster the chapters will come out :) Oh, and I'd like to thank those who have and continue to review. I'll put your names in the beginning of the next chapter which I plan to have out soon, unless plans change, which they always do hahahaa. So, please review and thanks for reading! :):)**


	4. Remember This

**Dang, that was fast :) I felt like I owed you guys since I made you wait, like, over a month for the last chapter. I got great review from you guys and I so so so so so appreciate it. Thank you to jujusites, rainbowsandsunshine123, SirRay, and CreddiwFTW for the new amazing reviews! I really appreciate you guys taking time and letting me know how you feel about the chapter/story. You guys are the best :) Oh, and I would like to point out that ALAYNAH IS NAIVE. I didn't right any of this because it's how I feel, I wrote it for what the character feels. Just saying. And remember what Carly and Freddie know about Alaynah now. Just remember ) Enjoy!**

**I do not own iCarly.**

**3 and ½ weeks later**

"So he said he doesn't care if I hang out with other guys, and I said I would hang out with all the guys I wanted since he didn't care, and he said fine and I said . . ." Cassidy went on and on with her story, but I was only hearing half of what she was saying, and even that was fuzzy. We were sitting in history class watching a boring documentary about the Black Death. Tragic, yes. Worth listening to, no. I wanted to bury my head under my arms and cry like I had been doing for the past month, but I didn't want to be rude to Cassidy. I knew she was only trying to talk to be because of the way I had been acting. All day every day I was moping around and isolating myself from society. Pretty much everyone had heard about the breakup. Shawn made sure of that. He also made sure that the public saw me as a raging lunatic who's obsessed over him, which I was not. I couldn't even stand to look at him. I even had to switch out of my PE class because he was in it too. Now that he was out of my life, I could see what everyone was talking about; he was pathetic, a loser. My life was officially the Taylor Swift song, "Dear John".

Cassidy tapped my shoulder. I looked at her. "Um, are you even listening to me?"

"Huh?" I blinked my eyes a couple times and stretched my arms out, just realizing I was half asleep. "Oh, yeah, sorry. I zoned out a little."

"A little? Allie, you were completely gone. Are you okay?" She pulled out a pack a gum and tossed a piece into her mouth. She offered one to me but I shook my head. Cassidy was always chewing gum. It was kind of her thing.

"Yeah, Cass, I'm fine. I just didn't get that much sleep last night with my parent fighting and all." That was half true. They were fighting, a lot, but by now, I was used to it. They had been fighting pretty much since I was around 7, when Kailey was born. She wasn't necessarily the reason they started fighting, but the stress of raising another child did contribute. But I knew the real reason they were always fighting; they didn't love each other. Maybe at what point they thought they did, but I knew they definitely didn't anymore. They only got together because they found out they were having me, which sucks, because neither of them ever got to experience real love. They're relationship is fake. I wish I could tell them that.

"So, this isn't about Shawn?" She said slowly, making sure I wouldn't get offended.

"No, of course not. I'm totally over that asshole." I smiled a little.

"Good, so you don't mind if I -"

"Date him!? Of course you can't! He broke my heart, Cassidy!" I said a bit too loud. The whole class looked to the back of the room where we were seated. I mouthed "sorry" to Mr. Goldman who was glaring at us.

Cassidy turned back to me. "Gross, no." I don't know why I assumed she wanted to date him. Cassidy was a cheerleader. She dated jocks not potheads, although it was sometimes hard to get one without the other. "I was going to ask if it was okay to ask . . . how far did you get with him?"

"What!?" I whisper yelled this time.

"Did you go all the way? I mean, he has that kind of reputation." From behind her, I could see Rick Dillards checking out Cassidy's backside. She was leaning towards me so her shirt probably rid up in the back and he was probably looking at her thong, which she always wore. He saw me staring at him and he focused his attention back on the movie. Cassidy was still staring at me with her massive dark eyes that evenly matched her dark hair. I never understood why she was friends with me. She was so beautiful. I mean, I was pretty too but not that pretty.

"We . . . _don't tell anyone._"

She gasped, loudly.

"Ms. Winters, is there something you would like to share with the class?" Mr. Goldman asked Cassidy, obviously annoyed.

"No, sorry Goldy. I, um, stubbed my toe. That's why I gasped." I rolled my eyes at her lame excuse. But Mr. Goldman didn't really seem to care. He turned back to the movie as Cassidy turned back toward me. "Omigod! Omigod! How could you not tell me? I'm your best friend."

I wanted to tell her that she wasn't, but I didn't want to burst her bubble. "It was kind of personal. I didn't tell anyone." _And I liked it that way _I thought to myself. It was true. I liked having that memory all to myself, even if it was tainted now. It was still mine.

"Omigod!" She was still saying, quietly though. "Wait wait, how many times?"

"More than once. That's all you need to know." I would've told her if I knew.

"Was he good?"

I hesitated a bit before answering. "I mean, I guess. I don't really have anything to compare it to."

"Oh, that must suck." Cassidy was _far _from being a virgin. When I met her in 8th grade she still wasn't one. At first I thought she was a slut, but once I got to know her, I learned that there was much more to her. Her parents got divorced when she was four and two of her mom's boyfriends have tried to sexually abuse her. Then, her dad died when she was twelve after he lost his battle to cancer and ever since then, she has been trying to fill the void that he left. Atleast, that's what her therapist told her she was doing. "That's why you should try out other guys, you know, get some experience."

"What do you mean 'try out' other guys?"

"I mean slut you up! Just go around, sleep with every guy you see."

"Why would I do that?"

"I don't know. For fun?" She laughed and for a moment, I laughed too. It felt good to laugh again. We talked for a few more minutes and then the lights came on and the movie turned off.

"Alright, pass up your papers." Mr. Goldman announced. We were supposed to be filling in answers as we watched the video, but Cassidy and I set it aside. We both shrugged and passed up our blank papers.

"You're a horrible influence on me." I told her, smiling.

"Oh, you love it."

**RRRRRIIIIIIINNNNNNNGGGGGG**

We grabbed our bags and headed to the cafeteria lunch line. Since Cassidy never ate at school, she went straight to our table and talked (well, more like made out) with her boyfriend, Zac. The line was ridiculously long today, probably because they were serving BBQ chicken, something everybody loved. While I was standing in line, I saw my dad buying his lunch in the front. He was making conversation with the lunch lady while she was processing his order. I ran over to him.

"Hey, daddy."

He turned, looked at me, and smiled. "Hey, sweetie."

"Can you get my lunch today? I forgot my money." I lied. I had more than enough money, I just didn't want to wait in line a piece of chicken.

"Of course." I smiled. "Hey Rhonda, can I get a lunch for my daughter." When she nodded and handed him my lunch, he thanked her.

"Thanks daddy. Love you." I walked off quickly so he wouldn't think I was trying to make conversation with him. I didn't like talking to him at home; I certainly didn't want to do it at school.

"Wait, Alaynah!" _Dammit _I thought to myself. I turned and faced him when he caught up with him. I looked over my shoulder to see if I was in earshot of my friends. Thank goodness I wasn't. "I wanted to talk to you."

"About what?"

"The father-daughter dance. It's this Saturday." I looked at him. Like, really looked at him. My friends always told me he was cute, and that if he wasn't my dad that they'd date him, even if it was illegal. I thought that was weird. He was my dad. I never thought of him like that. He was just daddy to me.

"Yeah, I know. I've known for weeks. What about it?"

"Do you want to go? With me?" He seemed so eager it was frightening.

"Oh, uh, about that . . . I wasn't really planning on going. Um, Cassidy wanted to go to the movies . . ."

"C'mon Allie, we never spend time together anymore. I feel like I don't know you." There was some sort of darkness in his voice when he said that last part, as if he _knew _something about me.

"Dad, if mom is making you ask me -"

"Your mother isn't making me do anything. She doesn't even know about the dance. I just thought that maybe it wouldn't kill you to spend no more than two hours with your old man. But I guess if you really don't want to, I could just ask Kailey to go."

"She's eight. She doesn't even go to high school."

"I know, but I am a teacher here and she _is _my daughter and if you're not going to go with me, then she's the next best thing." He sounded truly hurt as he started to walk off. I sighed, knowing that I had to cave in.

"Dad." I said and he turned around.

"Yeah?"

"Where something cool." I told him, smiling.

"As long as you wear something beautiful." I nodded and we walked off to his classroom as I walked off to my table. Cassidy was sitting on Zac's lap, Alyssa was sitting next to them, followed by Tim, Jake, Alec, and Aidan. At the same time I was about to eat my lunch, Jake pulled out a pudding cup and started stirring it up and mixing it around. I didn't know if it was the sound it was making or the way it looked, but a huge wave of nausea rushed over me.

"Oh my gosh."

"Al, you okay?" Cassidy asked, seeing the look on my face.

"No." I ran as fast as I could to the nearest trash can and threw up this morning's waffles. Even when my stomach had nothing left to offer, I dry heaved for another 30 seconds, which was so painful. Cassidy came rushing behind me to hold my hair but at that point it was too late and I was already finished. She handed me a napkin and I wiped my mouth. The rest of our table (and the lunch room for that matter) stared at us. Out of embarrassment, I ran to the bathroom and locked myself into one of the stalls, where Cassidy followed.

"Are you going to puke again?" She asked from outside the stall.

"No, I just don't want to face everyone after that. They all already know Shawn dumped me. This is just more humiliation."

"Naw, they'll probably just think you're pregnant." She said this so simply, as if it were the easiest thing to say in the world. It probably was for her.

I opened the stall door and looked at her. "Oh my God." I stared in disbelief.

"No way. Are you serious!? Didn't you use protection?" She asked in a panicked voice but she was smiling, as if this was good news.

"Yeah . . . I mean, most of the time."

"Alaynah Marie Shay Benson!" She scolded me like my mother would by using my full name. I hated when anybody did that. That's when I knew it was serious. "You can't be . . . can you?"

I was on the verge was breaking down. I didn't want to, not there, in the school bathroom, but under the circumstances it was completely acceptable if I did. All of a sudden, the nausea hit me again and I turned around, facing the toilet, clutched my stomach, and dry heaved some more. Cassidy went to the bathroom entrance, closed it, barricaded it, and came back to me as I was wiping my mouth with a paper towel.

"Oh, Allie. This isn't good. Like, at all."

"Don't you think I know that!? How am I supposed to tell Shawn. Oh God. How am I supposed to tell _my parents_?" And with that, I fell to the ground. I was shaking, a lot, and the tears were pouring out of me. I hugged my knees to my chest. _This isn't happening, this isn't happening _I told myself, over and over again. Maybe if I said it enough, it would come true and this wouldn't be reality. This would be a dream and I would wake up laughing at the fact that I actually believed this was true. But this wasn't a dream unfortunately. This was the reality that I never wanted to live, but I made it happen anyway. I decided I was going to have sex. I decided that we didn't always have to use a condom if we were too caught up in the moment and just regret it later. I had always thought that my parents were stupid for having sex at such a young age and for not using protection, but being in this situation, I can see now that they didn't do it on purpose. They didn't just say, "Oh, hey, I don't have a condom but let's have sex and hope you don't get pregnant". They were caught up in the moment and didn't think. But when it comes down to it, it doesn't matter how it happened. It _happened _and you can't do anything about it. I was helpless.

Cassidy came and sat down next to me and held me close. "Allie, it's okay. You don't even know if you are."

I lifted my head up and turned to her. My voice was hoarse from the crying but I managed to get out, "There's only one way to find out."

* * *

"Okay, it says to urinate on it and wait 5 minutes. It will be blue if you're pregnant and pink if you're not."

She handed me the pregnancy test. I sighed. We were at her house and her brother was playing Xbox 360, loudly. Her parents were still at work, thank goodness. As soon as the bell had rung we hopped into her car and drove to the local Walgreens and bought the test then came straight here.

"I'll, uh, be in my room if you need me."

I nodded. I didn't want to do this. I wanted to keep being unsure because if the results were not what I wanted, I didn't know how I'd handle it. I don't take bad news very well. I never have. And this was the worst bad news I could ever get. I promised my parents I would never get pregnant or even have sex before I got married. I promised my parents that I would never end up like them.

I wiped away the tears that were managing to come out and followed the instructions on the box. After I was done, I called Cassidy back in.

"What does it say?" She asked while closing the door.

"I don't know yet. The box said it takes 5 minutes. I set my phone on a timer." I looked over at my phone. 3:26:09 left. Dammit. "Here, take it." I thrusted it toward her.

"Ew! You peed on it!" She squirmed away and hit her hip against the sink. Under other circumstances, we would've laughed.

"I don't want to look at it. Take it, please! Take it!" I panicked, suddenly.

"Okay, okay." She pulled down her sleeve and used it as a glove as she took the test from my hands. As soon as she put it down on the counter, I sunk to floor, about to break down again. "Allie, don't cry. Don't do this to yourself. You're going to be fine, whether it's blue or not."

"No, I won't. Have you seen my parents? They're in a loveless marriage because of me. I don't want to be like that, especially with Shawn. I mean, atleast they _used _to love each other. Shawn didn't love me. He used me to get into my pants. I can't be with a guy like that, not even for a baby." Ugh, _baby. _I never really liked them. They always smelled bad and drooled on you. Even when Kailey was born, I kept my distance from her. The one time I decided to hold her, she threw up all over me. I can barely tolerate babies, I don't know how I'd be able to raise one.

All of a sudden, a loud beep bounced off the walls. I jumped, shocked at how loud it was. It actually wasn't, but with it being so quiet, a dog whistle would've scared me. I stood up and walked slowly to the counter with Cassidy holding my hand, walking behind me.

"Do you want me to look for you?" She whispered.

I shook my head, not being able to speak. When I got close to the counter, I closed my eyes and reached for the test. It wasn't wet anymore and just felt warm. I held it up in front of my face and opened my eyes.

It was blue.

**Freddie POV**

**Saturday night**

"How do I look?" I asked Carly. I was wearing black dress shoes, gray dress pants, a white button down shirt with a gray vest. Carly was in a pair of my boxers and a tank top. Even now, I still thought she looked sexy.

"Handsome. Very Handsome." She smiled and wrapped her arms around my neck. Ever since the fight we had over Alaynah we had been a little closer and fighting less. I didn't know exactly why but I assumed it was because we had bonded over something again, even if it was something I never wanted to think about. We had agreed not to hassle her about it, we never even mentioned to her that we knew she wasn't a virgin anymore. She was still Alaynah, our daughter, and nothing was going to change that. She could tell us on her own time. We weren't exactly happy about and we were damn sure not encouranging but no matter how much she didn't believe us, we did remember what it was like to be a teenager.

"Thanks. I don't look like an old man, do I?" I moved my hands down to her hips, the way we used to hold each other when we were much, much younger.

"No, not at all." She kissed me, long and soft, and if I didn't have to go to the dance, things probably would've moved further, but as soon as that thought crossed my mind, there was a knock on the door. I cleared my throat and backed away from Carly. She wiped her lips and said, "Come in."

Kailey stepped in, wearing basketball shorts and a t-shirt that said "I didn't ask to be a princess, but if the crown fits". I bought her that shirt. I loved that she loved it. "Alaynah locked herself in the bathroom and I really have to pee!"

Carly laughed from behind me. "You can use our bathroom." As soon as she said that, Kailey ran past both of us and into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. "She's got the bladder of a squirrel." Carly said to me.

We both smiled. "Yeah, I guess. I'm going to go see what Allie's doing. We have to leave in a few." Carly nodded and headed into the living room while I went to the hallway bathroom that the girls shared. I knocked a few times.

"Allie? Are you in there?" I heard sobbing when I arrived but as soon as I knocked, the sobbing stopped and shuffling began. I figured she was probably hurrying to throw away tissue paper from crying and try to convince me that she was okay when I knew she wasn't. "Allie? . . . Al -"

The door opened suddenly and quickly and Alaynah appeared in the doorway. She looked absolutely beautiful. Her hair was curled and she had sprayed some type of sparkly spray that was in her hair and on her arms. The dress she was wearing was turquoise. It was spaghetti strapped, fitted up until the waist and ruffled down to about 4 inches above her knee. Her shoes matched perfectly. I actually had to try and not cry. She wasn't my little girl anymore. "Alaynah . . . you look amazing, sweetheart."

"Thanks daddy." She wiped her eyes, trying not smudge her mascara. "Are you ready to go? I am."

"Yeah, of course." I held out my elbow and she hesitantly took it. She looked down at the ground.

We made our way into the living room to say goodbye. Kailey was sitting on Carly's lap and they were watching an NCIS rerun. Kailey might've only been eight, but she absolutely loved a good crime, in television of course.

"We're heading out." I told them.

"Oh, Alaynah!" Carly exclaimed, but stayed seated. "You look beautiful. Take lots of pictures, okay?"

Alaynah only nodded.

Kailey ran to me first and I picked her up and gave her a huge hug and kiss. She went to Alaynah next.

"Have a good time." When she went in to hug her sister, Alaynah backed away. "What?" Kailey asked confused.

"Nothing. I just don't want to hug you right now . . ."

"You're being weird." But Kailey moved on fast. She sat back down with her mother and crossed her arms, obviously upset.

"Allie, you okay?" I asked my daughter.

"Fine. Can we go?" And with that, she dragged me out the door, into my car, and to the dance.

* * *

*_And it goes like this! Take me by the tongue and I'll know you. Kiss me 'till were drunk and I'll show you. You want the moves like Jagger, I got the moves like Jagger, I got the moooooooooves like Jagger!_*

The music was loud and most of the songs I had never even heard of but all of the kids seemed to be enjoying themselves. I was standing by the table where they were serving snacks and Alaynah was sitting at the table nearest me. She hadn't gotten up and danced to any of the songs, even when two girls begged her to go dance with them. I would've asked her what was wrong, but I had already done it twice and I could tell she was getting annoyed. For the entire night, all she did was sip her punch and watch the girls and their dads have the time of their lives. I didn't know why she didn't want to join them.

I walked over to our table and sat down. She looked away from me with sad eyes. "Do you want to dance?" I asked her.

She kept her eyes on the crowd. "No, not right now. I don't really like this song." I knew that was a lie because when the song first came out, every time it came on the radio, she demanded that I blast it in the car. She looked at me when she could tell I was disappointed. "Maybe the next one."

But then the next song came on and she didn't want to dance. That's when I got impatient. If she wasn't going to dance, why did she even agree to go? I didn't want to stand by the punch bowl all night, monitoring kids to make sure they didn't spike it. I wasn't a chaperone tonight; I was a dad. But Alaynah sure wasn't treating me like one. But then, finally, a slow song came on.

I stood up. "Okay, there is no way I'm passing this song up. We have to dance."

She swallowed, obviously nervous for some strange reason. It was just a dance. "Dad, I'm really not feeling that great. I think we should just go home."

"Alaynah, we're not going home. You shouldn't have agreed to come here of all you were going to do was sit around and act miserable. But you _did _agree to come, so you're going to dance." I held out my hand for her to take. She didn't seem upset, she just seemed sad, which I hated. I never liked to see any of my family sad, but it was especially hard when it was one of my daughters. I always tried my hardest to keep them happy and when I didn't succeed, it made me feel worse than they probably did.

Hesitant at first, Alaynah eventually grabbed my hand and I led her to the dance floor. The overhead lights were colorful and were roaming around the room. They had slowed down for the slow song but had been shooting everywhere earlier. The dance floor was crowded but now too crowded that we didn't have enough room. You could tell that some of the girls really didn't want to be dancing with their dads. A lot of their heads were turned to the side so they didn't have to look into their fathers' eyes, just like what Alaynah was doing with me. I have never been a teenage girl, so I would never know what it's like, but I always wished I could get inside Alaynah's head, see what she's thinking. She doesn't seem to talk to me, or her mother, anymore. I remember when she was younger and wouldn't stop talking. She would find anything and everything to talk about and she'd talk about it for hours. But now I'm lucky if I get a 'hey' every once and a while. I just wish I could go back to those days and appreciate her more, you know, cherish the moments. Because looking back on them, they didn't last very long.

"You know, I remember when you were younger, and you didn't know how to dance, so I put you on my feet and we danced as one."

"Really?" She asked, a smile sneaking up on her face, the first time I had seen her smile in days.

"Yeah. You didn't ever want to get off. It was so cute."

She looked down at her feet and mine, so similar, yet so different. "That was a while ago, dad."

"Maybe for you, but for me, it feels like yesterday."

She squeezed her hands together behind my neck. I knew she was on the verge of crying. Her eyes were welling up with tears and she kept looking up, trying to prevent them from coming. "Do you . . . do you miss those days? When I was a baby?"

I looked at her for a while before answering. "Yes . . . and no. I miss it in the sense that you were still my little girl and stuff like that, but I definitely don't miss the diapers and the money problems and the fighting with your mom -"

"You fought with mom back then too? I thought it started when Kailey was born."

"Alaynah, we were very young, _too young, _when we had you. Being in a relationship at that age is hard enough without a baby. _With _one just makes it harder. So, yes, we fought." The tears were coming now. "Oh, God, no! I didn't mean that we fought _because _of you, sweetie. I just meant that being the teenagers that we were, we didn't handle the situations maturely. That's why you should wait and have a baby when you're older and in love and married. That way you'll be more ready." She just nodded and she was wiping away the tears. I didn't really understand why she was crying. If anyone should've been crying, it was me. I hated reliving the first year of Alaynah's life. Carly and I were pretty much miserable, except on certain occasions. I was happy that she never had to experience that. I wouldn't wish it on anybody. "Are you okay?"

She sniffled. The tears were gone but the sadness was still there. "Yeah, I'm okay. But dad?"

"Yeah, Allie?"

"Please, _please, _remember this moment. Remember how you're telling me this story. Remember how you're feeling. Remember how much you love me. Please."

I was taken back. I didn't really know what to say. I would always love Alaynah as much as I did at that moment. Nothing was going to change that. I didn't know why she thought differently. "Of course I'll remember this. I'll remember this forever."

"Good." She wrapped her arms around me once again and laid her head against my chest. I pulled her close not wanting to let her go. I wanted to protect her from anything and everything. I knew I couldn't that, but I could try.

**Awwww that was a cute moment, in my opinion anyway. So . . . . BOMBSHELL! Allie is in fact pregnant. Wow. I hope you guys don't hate me for that. I don't want you to think that I'm just doing Beautiful Unraveling again but with different characters. I have come up with a storyline and I think it's pretty good. But anyways, let me know what you think! Please review! I hoped you like this early (and long :)) chapter! You guys and the best 3**


	5. It Wasn't Supposed to Happen Like This

**Alright, alright, I know you hate me. I am a horrible person and I feel awful. I really really do! I'm sorry I haven't updated in sooooo long! The thing is, in my other stories, I had like a schedule. But this one I just do when I have free time and lately, I haven't had like any. I'm going to try and get the next chapter out tomorrow, maybe even later today because I do owe you guys. And I completely understand if you have lost interest in this because I am such a horrible updater :( I really am sorry guys. But I hope you enjoy this chapter, I really did enjoy writing it :) Oh and something I noticed, in one chapter I said Allie was a freshman but then in another I said she was a sophmore. Sorry bout that, she's a sophmore. Okay, I thought I'd clear that up. Enjoy!**

**I do not own iCarly.**

**2 weeks later**

"Kailey, hand over the popcorn!" Cassidy whisper yelled, but it was loud enough to draw some unwanted stares from the couple that was sitting in front of us.

"You can have it after this scene." She drew a handful of the buttery goodness and stuffed it into her mouth causing most of it to fall onto the floor, where most of it already was. It was joined by a whole back of Sour Patch Kids Cassidy had dropped before the movie started and a couple of peanut M&M's because Kailey thought they "looked weird" and refused to eat them. I rolled my eyes at the two, trying to focus on the chick flick movie I was forced to go to. But Cassidy knew as much as I did that I wasn't focusing on the movie. I was focusing on something much bigger, or smaller, depending on how you looked at it.

It had been two weeks since I found out I was pregnant and ever since then, I've felt pretty numb. It was like my body was there, doing the movements, saying the necessary words to the necessary people, but I was out on the sidelines watching it all happen, wishing I could just change the channel and not have this be my reality. I didn't want to be pregnant in high school. I didn't want to _ever _be pregnant. But I had no one to blame but myself. I could've blamed Shawn, but when it comes down to it, he didn't force me to sleep with him. He might've persuaded me and brought it up more times than necessary, but he never threw himself on top of me and pulled his pants down. I told him I was ready even when I wasn't. I chose this for myself and now I had to take responsibility. I knew eventually I would have to tell Shawn but I was going to procrastinate as long as I possibly could. I wanted to tell my parents first, but I damn sure wasn't going to do that any time soon. I knew how they would react. They would yell and scream at me about how they taught me how to prevent this exact thing from happening and I wasn't, and would never be, in the mood for that. Ugh. Just thinking about that made me nauseous. I shifted in my seat and clutched my stomach, willing the Dibs to go back down.

Cassidy noticed my clenching up next to her. "Al, you okay?" She asked, already knowing that I wasn't. I had been buried in my bed for the past 2 weeks, speaking to nobody except my parents (only when I had to), Kailey, and her, Cassidy.

"I'm fine, Cass." I kept my eyes on the movie, but the plot was so cheesy and stupid, I could already predict how it was going to end. She would fall in love with her best friend after searching for the perfect guy, get married and have a son and then a have a daughter. The perfect family. Why couldn't real life be like that? Oh wait, that's right. Because that would be too easy.

"I have to pee." Kailey said, but stared at me, not moving from her seat.

I stared back at her. "Then pee."

"I don't want to go by myself."

"Grow up! You're eight. You can go to the bathroom by yourself."

"I'll tell mom and she'll be mad and ground you."

_She'll ground me anyways after she finds out, _I thought to myself. "Kailey, the bathroom is literally 10 feet away from the theatre we are in. It will take you 30 seconds to get there, 30 seconds to pee, and 30 seconds to get back. What could happen in a minute and half?"

"Oh I could think of something . . ." Cassidy mumbled under her breath. I glared at her.

"What could happen in a minute and a half?" Kailey asked curiously as if she wasn't crossing her legs and shaking violently just a few seconds ago with her tiny bladder ready to explode.

"A baby." Cassidy told her as I shot her a death look. Cassidy had been trying for me to tell Kailey for the past couple weeks. She thought that if I told her, it would be easier to tell my parents so I would have someone on my side. But I couldn't explain to her, even if I wanted to, that no matter how many people were on my side, whether it be just Kailey, or the entire continent of Africa, it wouldn't make a difference; I would still feel alone.

"How?"

Before Cassidy could answer, I grabbed Kailey's arm. "Okay, let's go pee!" I dragged her to the bathroom quickly and waited outside. When one minute passed, I didn't think much of it. When three minutes passed, I got impatient. When, ten minutes passed, I panicked and went into the bathroom to find her. "Kailey?"

Silence.

"Kailey!"

"What?"

I turned, startled, and faced her. She was standing by the sinks that were blocked by a wall. "Sorry, I couldn't see you." I walked over to her. She was scrubbing her white Vans with a wet paper towel. "Why are you taking so long? I though all you had to do was pee?"

"I did, but then I noticed I spilled Hi-C on my shoe and I wanted to try to get it off but . . ." She scrubbed a bit harder but then sighed and said, "this is just making it worse."

I rolled my eyes, this being the last thing I wanted to deal with, but took the shoe from her anyways. I pulled out a Tide stick from my purse and started wiping the stain. "Dad always makes me take this everywhere I go."

"Why?"

"I don't know, to be honest. I think he thinks I can use it as a weapon to fend off rapists." I said jokingly, but Kailey didn't get it.

She walked over to the bench near the hand dryers while I was still scrubbing her shoe. "Alaynah?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you going to have a baby?"

I dropped the shoe, the Tide stick, and as if on cue, my stomach dropped as well. I turned to her. Her head was down and she was kicking her feet together. I thought maybe she would be laughing, as if she were joking, but she wasn't. When she finally looked up at me, I saw her big, bright, blue eyes. Both my parents were brown eyed and so was I. I always thought that was unfair that I got the boring brown eyes and she got the beautiful blue eyes. But right now, those eyes were sad and fearful, just like mine. Funny how some things can be so different yet so similar. "Why would you ask me that?"

She shrugged, but I knew she had a reason. She sighed and said, "I don't know, I just . . . I just thought that you were, you know, pregnant. I watched a documentary at school the other day about pregnancy and they said some of the signs were feet swelling, mood swings, morning sickness, and weight gain and you sort of have all of those things." She swallowed, obviously nervous, trying not to hurt my feelings if I wasn't actually pregnant, but a moody, fat, bulimic teenager. "I mean, it wouldn't be horrible if you were, right? Mommy and Daddy had you when they were about your age and they're perfect."

I looked down at the ground, picked up her shoe, knelt down in front of her, and put it back on her. As I was tying up the laces, I said to her, "They're not perfect, Kailey."

"Yes they are. Why wouldn't they be?"

"Because they had me!"

She looked at me with a confused face. "So . . . you're why they're not perfect?"

"Exactly." I finished the laces the headed back to the theatre, but Kailey grabbed my hand and turned me toward her.

"What'd you do?"

"Kailey, listen carefully because I'm not going to say this again, okay?" She nodded. "Mom and Dad had me when they were very young and because of that, they had to grow up and force themselves to be together so I could have a stable family. Since they forced themselves to be together, they're not happy. I mean, maybe if they had the time to date and get to know each other better, maybe, eventually, they would've fallen in love, but they didn't get a chance, and that's because of me." At first, I was telling the story to inform Kailey, but the more that I got into it, the more I was telling myself.

"Is that why you hate them? Because they could've gotten rid of you and been happy but they didn't?"

"I don't hate them. I just . . . I just think they could've made a better choice. I feel like I ruined their lives and if they gave me up they could've had a better life, but they risked a better life for me and I just don't understand that. I don't mean to be rude or disrespectful towards them, I just can't relate." At this point, I had unwanted tears streaming down my face. I tried to wipe them up but not before Kailey noticed. She reached up to my cheek and wiped them away. I smiled at her. "Thanks, sis."

She nodded. "Are you crying because you're going to have a baby?"

I just realized that I hadn't answered that question earlier. I nodded.

Kailey hugged me. In normal circumstances, I would've pushed her away, but I really needed someone to comfort me, and she was my sister, and I loved her, so it felt pretty good to hold her.

After a few minutes, I pulled away and wiped the remaining tears from my face. "Let's go back to the movie."

"Wait." Kailey once again grabbed a hold of my arm.

"What?"

"Does he know?"

"Who?"

"Whoever the dad is."

Just the thought of Shawn made me want to cry all over again. I took a deep breath and faced the theatre door. "No, he doesn't know. But it wouldn't matter even if he did because he dumped me."

"But when he finds out, he's going to want to be with you, just like mommy and daddy."

"Did you not understand the point to that story? Mom and Dad aren't happy. Me and Shawn definitely won't be happy. He hates me."

"Just tell him, you coward!"

I knew she was only eight and didn't really fully understand the heaviness of the situation, but I knew she had a point. He was going to find out eventually and I would rather him find out through me and not some random 10th grader. "As much as I don't want to admit it, you're right. I do need to tell him."

"Then let's go!" She sounded way too enthusiastic.

"We can't just go now! Cassidy is in there waiting for us to come back and finish the movie with her."

"No I'm not!" Both Kailey and I screamed and turned around to see Cassidy skipping toward us coming from the theatre. "I've been standing there listening to your conversation for the past ten minutes. Really tear jerking."

I hit her on the shoulder. Hard.

"Ow! What was that for?"

"Eavesdropping! That was a conversation for mine and Kailey's ears only."

"Sorry, you guys just took so long in the bathroom I was going to come out and see what was going on, but then I saw you two talking and it looked intense so I, you know, listened."

I glared at her.

"Sorry! I couldn't help it. But since none of us are watching the movie, this is the perfect opportunity to go tell Shawn . . ."

I sighed, knowing she was right. "Will you drive?"

"Totes."

* * *

"We'll be here if you need us." Cassidy said after she put the car into park and stayed in her seat.

"Good luck." Kailey said from the back seat.

As I got out of the car I smiled back at her, but not big enough to convince her, or myself for that matter, that this was going to go well. I shut the car door and made my way down Shawn's driveway. I saw his car so I knew he was home and I didn't see his parents' car so I knew they weren't. When I got to the front door, I didn't know what to do. I knew I had to knock, but God knows I didn't want to. Every time I brought my hand up, I pulled it right back down. I didn't want things to change. I wanted to keep this secret until it wasn't going to be possible. I looked down at the welcome mat and took a mental note of how it looked because I didn't know if it would different after I told Shawn. I mean, my whole life would be different. The next time I look at that mat, I'll know if I have to do this alone or not.

I knocked.

At first I didn't hear anything, but I knew he was home so I waited. After a few minutes of no activity, I knocked again, and I heard groaning. He was probably asleep not wanting to be disturbed. At a point in time, I probably would've cared.

When he opened the door, he was shirtless. I sucked in a breath. "Hi."

"Hey. What's going on?" His eyes were half closed and I could tell he was high, atleast a little bit.

Just before I opened my mouth, I saw a flash of movement in the open bedroom behind him. She was blonde and trying to find her clothes. That was me just a few weeks ago. But much to my surprise, I wasn't jealous. I actually felt sorry for the girl, knowing he didn't really love her. I hoped she didn't turn out like me.

Shawn, seeing the look on my face when I noticed the girl, stepped onto the porch with me and closed the door shut. "She's just a friend."

"I really don't care." I could tell by the look on his face that he didn't believe me. "I, um, need to tell you something."

"What?" He didn't seem concerned, like at all.

I took a deep breath and waited for him to make eye contact with me.

"What?" He said a little louder. I was glad we were out of view and earshot of Cassidy and Kailey. I didn't want them to see this conversation.

"Shawn . . . I'm pregnant. And it's yours."

I expected yelling. I expected screaming. I even expected a little bit of crying but I was definitely not expecting laughing. He was right in front of me laughing his ass off. If the look on my face and the tone of my voice didn't show him that I was serious, I didn't know what would. When he finally stopped, I asked, "Are you done?"

"Can you just go, Allie? I'm so tired of your bullshit."

"You think I'm joking? What kind of sick person pretends to be a pregnant sophomore!?"

"Um, the kind of girl who will do anything to get her boyfriend back. But guess what sweetheart, it ain't gonna work." He wasn't even looking at me anymore. He was backing up towards the door to go back inside and probably try to get another round in with his new girlfriend.

"I'm serious, Shawn. No matter how much, I don't want it to be true, it is. This is real. This is happening." This was the same thing I had told myself over the past couple weeks. I still wasn't sure this was real life.

"No, it's not."

"Yes, it is."

"No."

"Yes."

"No!"

"Yes!"

"This can't happen! You can't be pregnant!"

"But I am!"

The reality finally hit him. He ran his hand through his thick, curly hair and dragged them down to his face. He spoke through his fingers. "How did this happen?"

"We didn't always use protection. I hope you used it with that tramp you just hooked up with."

He glared at me. The concern in his face I had just seen moments ago was gone. He just seemed pissed. "I'm not going to be a father at seventeen. That's not happening."

My jaw dropped and my mouth was hanging open in shock until I closed it. I can't believe he just said that. I can't believe he looked me in the eye and told me he was going to make me do this alone. I didn't want to be together, I just wanted some type of support and he couldn't even give me that. "So, you're not going to help me at all? You're going to make me do this alone?"

"Hey, it's not my fault you got pregnant."

"Sex takes two people you asshole! You're atleast 50% of the blame!"

"Fine. It's my fault. I don't give a shit. I don't want to have a kid. If you do, that's your business. But don't bring it around me. Ever." And with that, he went back inside and slammed the door. I willed myself not to cry but the tears came anyway. I looked back down at the mat. It looked the same; crappy. Just like my life.

* * *

"Do you want me in there with you? I don't have to go home." Cassidy tried to help. I shook my head while I closed the door. On the way home, in the complete and utter silence, I decided that I was going to tell my parents. After what had happened with Shawn, I felt disgusting and dirty and I knew that I was going to feel the exact same way, maybe even worse, when I told my parents. I figured that it would be better to feel all of the pain in one serving rather than separately. This was I could just get it over with.

Kailey hopped out of the car after me, running to catch up with me and grab my hand. I squeezed it hard, silently telling her thank you for being there for me.

When we walked through the doors, the first thing I heard was yelling. Loud yelling. Kailey immediately covered her ears, something I had taught her to do whenever Mom and Dad fought. The door to their bedroom was closed but there was light coming from the bottom so I knew they were in there. I couldn't tell what they were arguing about but I heard something about love, or the lack of it. I led Kailey to the living room where we both sat down on the couch.

"I don't think they heard us come in." Kailey whispered to me.

"Neither do I."

She sighed. "What are you going to say?"

I shrugged. "What can I say other than the obvious?"

"You can open with a joke!"

"A joke?"

She nodded excitedly. After a while of staring at her in disbelief, she caught on to the fact that I thought it was stupid. "Sorry, I know that was a dumb idea."

I smiled weakly at her and pulled her in for hug. "I love you for trying." I kissed her on the top of her head.

All of a sudden, mid yell, my mom swung open the door and headed to the kitchen. Both Kailey and I jumped up, startled at the sudden noise. My dad followed right behind my mom. Their faces were red and I could see that my mom's face was streaked with tears. My dad kept rubbing his eyes, indicating he was getting tired, or already was, or has been for a very, very long time.

They didn't notice us until my mom turned and gasped as she put a hand over her heart. My dad followed her gaze and grew wide eyed, realizing we had just heard their conversation. "God! Girls, you scared us."

"We noticed." I told them. Kailey was still sitting on the couch whereas I had stood up.

Dad stepped forward in front of mom. Neither of them were wearing their wedding rings. I swallowed, knowing this was a bad time, but also knowing at the same time that I was going to be able to do it at any other time. "How was the movie?" He asked, trying to change the mood in the room. His face was still red and the tears on mom's face hadn't gone away, even though she was wiping every 2 seconds.

"Um, we actually didn't get to finish it. We left early."

"Why?" Mom asked from the kitchen.

"I, um, needed to tell you something and it couldn't wait."

Mom joined dad's side in the living room. Kailey was watching them carefully from the couch. "Here, you can sit on the couch. I'm going to go to my room." As she got up and walked toward her room, she hugged me and whispered, "Be strong." I nodded and she proceeded to her bedroom where she shut the door and I was left alone with my parents. My parents who were in my exact situation 15 years ago. It wasn't fair to them, I knew. It wasn't fair that they had to deal with this all over again.

"Allie, are you alright?" My dad asked. He and mom were sitting as far apart as they could from each other. _Why did they have to make this harder, _I thought to myself.

"Yeah, I'm fine. It's just . . . I really need to tell you something. I just don't know how."

My mom wasn't looking at me. Her head was down and she was wiping away more tears. That was going to be me in a few seconds.

"What is it?" My dad asked, getting impatient.

"Don't hate me, alright? Promise me that you won't hate me."

They finally looked at each other. The tears had stopped coming from my mom's face and was replaced with concern. "Alaynah, you're scaring us. What do you need to tell us?"

I took in a deep breath. "I'm pregnant."

**DUN DUN DUN! Ahhhhh! She did it! Cliffhanger! But don;t worry, Ill try to have the next chapter up by tomorrow so hopefully you don't have to wait too long :) Hope you guys enjoyed it! Please leave a review! Love yall!**


	6. Reliving Our Past

**I know this was supposed to be up yesterday but to be honest, I kind of forgot. I had plans and when I got home, I was like "Oh, crap." But I worked on this until like 2 AM last night (or technically this morning) so I could get it out today. It's short, I know. But there was only so much that could go on in this chapter, with Carly and Freddie (mostly Carly) dealing with their feelings and all. So hope you enjoy :)**

**I do not own iCarly.**

"I'm pregnant."

_Wake up, Carly. Wake up! WAKE UP! _I screamed and screamed inside my head, willing myself to wake up from this nightmare. This had to be a dream. This wouldn't happen in real life. My 15 year old daughter wouldn't be pregnant in real life. That's the beauty of dreams. They could be beautiful or horrible, but no matter what, you could always get out of them eventually. It wasn't real. But the more and more I tried to reassure myself that this wasn't real, the more I realized it was. I wanted to say something, to anyone, even to myself, but my mouth wouldn't open. I literally felt numb. I didn't understand how this could happen. We talked to her _over and over _again about how sex can always lead to pregnancy, not matter how careful you think you're being. We told her she should wait until she was married or atleast in love. But she wasn't married and I was pretty sure she wasn't in love. I mean, for God's sake, she's only fifteen. She can't even drive a car by herself. How the hell is she going to raise a baby? _Oh God, _I thought. _Baby. _She's going to have a baby. She _is_ a baby. I didn't want her to be like me. I didn't want her to have to miss out on all of the milestones in a teenager's life. She wasn't going to be able to go to prom, or go out with her friends, and she probably won't graduate high school. I remember she used to say she wanted to be a veterinarian. She won't be able to do that with a baby. She'll have to settle. Just like I did.

"Say something. Please." Her voice was hoarse. When I looked up at her, there were tears in her eyes but not yet on her cheeks. In any other situation, I would've ran up to her and wiped them away. In any other situation, I would've cared that she was sad.

I closed my eyes and opened them again, a final check to make sure that this was real life, and then I found my voice. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

She seemed shocked that I was mad. _Why the hell wouldn't I be mad? _"I'm sorry, mom."

"_I don't give a shit that you're sorry!_ What? Is the "sorry" supposed to make me feel better? Is it supposed to reassure me that everything is going to be okay? Is the "sorry" not going to make me a grandmother at 31 years old!?"

"Stop yelling at me! I know I screwed up, okay? I just need some support . . ." Her hands were shaking at her sides and for a moment I flashed back to 15 years ago, when Freddie was yelling at me. It was the last thing I needed to hear. But standing on this side of the argument, I understood why he was mad. This is the last thing you ever want to happen to you. You don't want to be a parent in high school. You don't want to take on that much responsibility when, just a few days ago, your biggest responsibility was studying for the math exam. But even though I understood how Alaynah felt, I really didn't give a damn. She chose this for herself and now she had to suffer the consequences.

For a moment, I had forgotten Freddie was even in the room. I figured he would be yelling at her more than me, seeing as how he was her father. But when I looked over at him, he was still sitting on the couch, bent forward, his elbows on his knees, and just staring back and forth at the both of us, listening intently. I wanted to yell at him too, but Alaynah was draining too much of my energy.

"What do you want me to say Alaynah? Do you want me to just be over the moon that you're going to be a mom?"

"No! I just need you to . . . I don't know! You know I how I feel, just help me!"

"You're pregnant, Alaynah! _Pregnant! _Do you know what that means?"

She didn't reply. She just wiped more tears off of her face.

"It means that you're childhood is over. You don't get to go out when you want. You don't get to go shopping for clothes for yourself. You don't even get to go to school on a regular basis anymore. You get to stay home and take care of _a baby. _Does that sound like fun to you?"

Slam.

I turned and saw that Freddie wasn't sitting on the couch anymore. He had walked out of the house, slammed the door, got into his car, and drove away to God knows where. Alaynah and I watched him as he drove away. I wanted to follow him in our family car, but I couldn't leave Kailey here with just Alaynah. I didn't trust her anymore.

"Happy now? He's gone. You're father's gone because we have to relive our past that we never wanted to live in the first place?"

"Oh. So what you're saying is, you never wanted to have me?" She asked in a defensive tone. I wasn't going to feel bad for what I said. I wasn't going to feel bad for the truth.

"I never wanted to have you in high school! I spent night after night after night just wishing I could take _that day _back, Alaynah! I didn't want to be a mom in high school -"

"And you think I do? You think I _wanted _to end up like you? Why the hell would I want that?"

"Don't you dare curse at me." I was exhausted. Not just from yelling, but from fighting in general. It seemed like all I did was fight with everyone around me. This morning I yelled at Kailey to wash her dishes. Yesterday I screamed at out neighbors to get their dog out of our yard. And this afternoon, I yelled at Freddie and told him I wanted a divorce.

"I'm sorry, Mom. You're just not being very understanding."

"I'm not supposed to be! I'm supposed to just brush off my shoulders that my daughter, who is still in high school, is knocked up. I thought me and your dad was a good example on how to avoid this kind of thing."

"It's kind of the opposite."

I sat back down on the couch, rubbing my eyes, hoping that maybe I could rub them enough, open then again, and appear in a world where nothing bad happens. All the bills would be paid, Kailey would have lots of toys, Freddie and I wouldn't fight, and Alaynah wouldn't be pregnant. A world where I was happy. "Who is it?"

She sat down next to me. I didn't care if I was thirty one years old and being immature, but I scooted away from her. I didn't want to be near her until I was sure I wasn't going to slap her for being so stupid. "Who's who?"

"The person whom this baby shares half of their gene pool."

"Oh. His name is Shawn."

I knew it. "Does he know?"

"Yeah." Her head was down.

"And?"

"He, um . . . . doesn't want to be a father right now."

I looked at her, wanted to comfort her, but also not wanted anything to do with her.

"Actually, I don't think he ever wants to be a father. I probably should've known that."

For the first time in the entire conversation, I couldn't relate to what she was feeling. Although Freddie was way beyond mad when he found out about me, he might've ignored me for a couple of weeks, but he didn't abandon me. Through thick and thin, he had always been there. I wouldn't have been able to raise Alaynah on my own and I couldn't even imagine trying. When I looked over at her on the other side of couch, I didn't see my daughter. I saw my sixteen year old self, scared and helpless after I found out I was pregnant. I wanted nothing more than to go back in time and yell at myself in the iCarly studio that day with Freddie. Alaynah wasn't a mistake, but I would be lying if I said I didn't regret having her at the time that I did. When she was younger, I always imagined her becoming someone so important; a lawyer, a doctor, even the president. But in reality, I didn't care what she did when she got older, as long it made her happy. I knew this wasn't going to make her happy. This life would make her miserable. Babies were a blessing and I knew it was a terrible thing to think that a baby could ruin your life, but it happened to me. And the fact that she would have to do it _alone _just made it worse. It made me want to cry for her.

"Were you in love with Shawn?"

She pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her body. "I think so."

I nodded, not really sure what to say. I took a deep breath and stood up and headed to the kitchen.

"Where are you going!?" She stood up frantically and followed me.

"I'm calling your father." From the look on her face, I knew she didn't want me to leave her, but I needed to be alone.

I grabbed the phone from its charging dock and turned to her. "I'm going to my room and I'd really appreciate it if you didn't bother me."

"You're just going to go? You're going to leave me alone at the time I need you the most?"

I was losing my temper with her. "Alaynah, stop turning this on me! I'm not the pregnant teenager!"

"But you were once! You can't just leave me!"

I started to turn away from her. "I'm going to my bedroom."

"Ugh! You're just like him! You're just like Shawn!"

I had shut the door by the time she had said the last part. I cared that she was hurt, I did, but I wanted her to soak in what she was feeling, so maybe she could relate to what I was feeling. She was never going to be able to know exactly what I was feeling until she actually had a teenage child that turned out just like her, and I really, _really _didn't want that to happen. So maybe this would help.

I dialed Freddie's number six times before I gave up. No matter how much I felt hatred toward him, there was a part of me that wouldn't be okay unless I was in his arms. After trying two more times, I threw the phone across the room, and screamed into a pillow as loud as I could. I wanted to just scream all of the pain and anger I felt towards Alaynah and Freddie. It didn't work. I fell to the floor and wrapped my arms around my body. I remembered doing the exact same thing when I was sixteen and I felt so alone. I couldn't help think that this was what Alaynah was doing too; on the floor, crying, feeling alone. The pain of the memory almost made me want to go in and tell her that everything was going to be okay. But I couldn't lie to her. I didn't know if everything was going to be okay. All I knew was she was going to have to take care of someone else but could barely take care of herself. She couldn't even do her own laundry.

I sighed and crawled over to the other side of the room to call Freddie again. Much to my surprise, he actually answered. "Hey."

"Hi." Just the sound of his voice made me start crying again. I tried to wipe them away, but then I realized he couldn't see through phones. "Um . . . where'd you go?"

"I just drove around, thinking. About everything." I could hear the strain in his voice. I knew he was tired.

"I have been too. And Freddie?"

Silence.

"I know we just had probably one of the biggest fights we've ever had, but I really need you here with me." When I said thelast part, my voice cracked and tears just ran out of my eyes, as if a pipe had just exploded inside of my head. I tried not to make it apparent that I was crying, but by the tone of his voice, I could tell that he knew that I was having a breakdown.

"Carly . . ."

"Don't say you're not coming back! Please don't say that! I can't get through this without you Freddie! Please . . ." He didn't answer. I heard steps coming toward my door and I wasn't in any mood to be nice to anyone who I laid my eyes on. I had told Alaynah to leave me alone and if she didn't want to listen to me, since it seemed like she never did, then I wouldn't have pity on her for anything that I said to her. When the door opened, so did my mouth.

"Alaynah, I said stay -"

But it wasn't Alaynah. It was Freddie. Freddie, whose face was streaked with tears and was holding a phone to his ear, but not saying anything. He shut it, as well as our door and just stood there. I stood up but couldn't find words to express how happy I was that he came back. I ran as fast as I could and jumped into his arms. He wrapped me around in his entire body and I couldn't have felt more at home as I cried into his neck. He picked me up and walked over to the bed where we continued to just cry into each other. We laid there for almost an hour before we finally looked into each others' eyes. He started to talk, but I didn't want to. I didn't want to ruin the one moment that was, for the first time in 13 years, just about us. We never had any time alone anymore. We never had time to just reflect on our life. We never had time like this. It sucked that our daughter had to get pregnant for us to finally get it, though. I put my finger on his lips, trying to make this moment as silent as possible. I took my hands under his shirt and he helped me remove it. We did this until we were in nothing but underwear, just a few article of clothing separating us from each other. But it wasn't a moment of lust or passion. It was a moment of just pure love. I didn't even know if I still loved Freddie, but I felt it, right then and there. I didn't know if he did too but I didn't really care. All I wanted was Freddie. I pulled him close and kissed him softly. And for the first time in weeks, he whispered in my ear, "_I love you_". I smiled, kissed him again, and we fell asleep in each others' arms.

**Short, I know. But I hoped you liked it! It was my intention to make the ending a little more intense, but as I was writing it, I realized I should probably give Carly and Freddie a good moment. And trust me, the divorce thing will come up again. Well, hope you enjoyed it and thanks for reading! Please leave me a review. I've noticed I haven't been getting much and I figured it's because I don't update very often, but even when I do, I only get like two. I really appreciate the ones that do, but if I don't get alot, then I don't get that motivated. Just saying :) Okay, enough of me whining. Have a great day guys!**


	7. No Easy Way Out

**Yay! Update time! Sorry it took a little while. I have exams next week and for the first time, I'm actually studying for them haha. So, yeah there's that. And also, I realized something the other day. I haven't really mentioned iCarly like at all in this story. That will change, I promise. I haven't elaborated on the fact that they are still well known and iCarly as gone down as one of the most popular web shows of all time. This will be mentioned in future chapters. I just felt that I had to address that since this is an iCarly story and iCarly has barely been mentioned haha. Also, that moment between Freddie and Carly last chapter . . . yeah, that's long gone. I gave that to you guys cuz they have some rough road ahead of them. It's kinda of (not really but still) explained what happened by Alaynah. So enjoy the chapter! Oh, and THANK YOU SO SO SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEWS! I will put your names up in the next chapter :)**

**I do not own iCarly.**

Beep. Beep. Beep.

_God, make it stop. _I grabbed the pillow next to me and pushed it on top of my head until it hurt. I didn't want to go to school and to be honest, I didn't even know if I had to. It had been a couple days since I told my parents I was pregnant and they hadn't spoken to me since. My days consisted of silent breakfasts, silent lunches, and silent dinners, but even that was rare. I usually took my food up to my room and Kailey and I would watch That 70's Show together. I was so happy she didn't hate me. I mean, I didn't expect her to, seeing as how she was only eight and no matter how much I explained it to her, she would never understand how heavy the situation was. But I didn't care what she understood. She knew that it made me happy that she was happy and that was enough for her. But it didn't seem like anyone else wanted me to be happy. My parents didn't know what to say to me, so they just didn't. I didn't care if they yelled or screamed how mad they were at me. The silence was worse. I tried my best to stay in my room for the whole day but whenever I had to come out to go to the bathroom or eat, I would see the stares either of them gave me. As if they were disgusted by my presence. I didn't know if they actually felt like that, but since they weren't speaking to me, there was no way to for sure to tell. My mom wasn't as bad as my dad though. Whenever my dad had the opportunity to get out of the house he would and then he would take way too long doing the simplest things, like getting milk or gas. But I knew that had more to it than just me and my situation. He and my mom weren't talking either and I knew they had come to an all time low. I remember the night I told them and mom locked herself inside her bedroom. Shortly after, my dad went in there too. I had put my head up against the door and heard nothing. Silence. I figured if they weren't yelling, then they were making progress. But I guess I was wrong. They weren't getting better. They were getting worse.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

The pillow had drowned out the alarm so much that I had actually thought it had stopped but as soon as I removed it, the beeping continued. I slammed the button that made it stop and contemplated getting up. I hadn't been to school since telling Shawn I was pregnant and I didn't want to face him. Although we didn't have any classes together anymore, a lot of the sophomore, junior, and senior classes are grouped together in the same hallways, so we always ran in to each other. It was awkward running in to each other when we were just broken up, but now that we both knew this secret, it was bound to be sufficiently more awkward.

"Alaynah!" Kailey called from the hallway.

I pulled the cover over my head.

"You're going to miss breakfast." She tried to open the door but I had locked it the night before. She tried a couple more times before she gave up.

I grabbed my phone to text Cassidy that I was going to skip school, but then I saw that I had a message.

**1 new message**

**From: Shawn**

My heart skipped a beat. He had told me to not ever bring my kid around him and told me he was going to make me do this on my own. Did he change his mind? I wanted to click _read _so badly but for some reason I was hesitant. If it said what I wanted it to say, my life would change. I could raise the baby and actually _be happy. _I didn't have to spend my whole high school experience being miserable and raising a kid by myself. I would have my boyfriend with me and we could raise it together. I smiled at the thought and clicked _read. _

_dont tell any1 bout the kid. no 1 needs to no. I didnt even need no._

_Wow, _I thought. I shouldn't have assumed, I know, but anything that would make this situation better, I was open to. But the fact that I would've jumped back into Shawn's arms just like that was scary. He treated me terribly, walked out on me when he knocked me up, and now he had the nerve to act like he controlled me. I switched the lamp on my bedside table on a decided to get dressed. As much as I didn't want to go to school, I knew staying here and being miserable wasn't a better option. Besides, if I stayed home, Shawn would probably think he had won. He didn't.

As I was getting dressed, I realized something; my clothes didn't fit. I had always been a size 0 in jeans but now I could barely pull them up to my thighs no matter how hard I tried. I settled on a pair of yoga pants that were extremely tight, but wearable. I grabbed one of my dad's old shirts that he had given me a while back. Before I pulled it all the way down, I held it up so I could look at my stomach. As much as I didn't want to believe it, there was a baby in there. I mean, it wasn't a baby at this point, I knew that much, but I still felt some kind of connection to it. I put my hand over my stomach and gently rubbed it. I knew it probably looked weird, but this was my baby and I didn't care.

I made my way to the kitchen where my mom was pouring milk into a full bowl of cereal and handing it to Kailey. I didn't know if I was welcome to sit down, or even speak to my mom, so I stood by the counter to wait for her to speak to me. When she didn't, I tried.

"So, what's for dinner tonight, mom? I'm having a craving for ribs."

"I won't be home for dinner."

"Wait, what? Where are you going?" Kailey looked at our mother curiously as well.

"I'm going to Spencer's tonight. I haven't seen him since the shower and I just really need some family time." Her voice was strained and it was very apparent that she was exhausted, mentally, physically, and especially emotionally.

"But . . . we're your family."

She didn't say anything, she just continued to put dishes in the dishwasher.

"What are we supposed to eat?"

"Sam is going to pick you both up from school, you'll eat dinner with her, and by the time you guys are done, I should be home."

Throughout the entire conversation, I hadn't even realized that my dad wasn't in the kitchen; he wasn't even mentioned. "Where's dad?" For some reason, tears started welling up in my eyes. I hadn't spoken to my father since I told him I was pregnant, and even then we didn't talk. He just stormed right out of the house. I had only seen him a couple times within the last few days and even when I did, he didn't even look at me. He just finished up with whatever he was doing and left the house again. I didn't know where he went or how long he was going to be out, but wherever it was, it was away from me. And, unfortunately, I think he liked it that way.

"He, um, went to work, I think." She turned away when she said it. I knew she was fighting back tears just like I was. When she turned around and looked at me she said, "Allie, you need to eat. You can't go through periods of time of not eating. It's not healthy for you or the . . ." She pointed to my stomach.

"Baby." Kailey finished for her.

"Yeah, the baby." She handed me a banana. "Eat it on the bus."

We stood in front of each other just staring for a few moments. I wanted to reach out to her and hug her so much, but I knew she would back away from me. I didn't know how she felt, but I knew she was disappointed in me. That's one of the worst feelings you can get from a parent. They're not just mad at you, they're _disappointed _in you. They expected more from me, and to be honest, so did I, but I was stupid and careless. That's probably how they saw me now; a stupid, careless teenager.

"Speaking of the bus . . ." Kailey grabbed her bag that was by her feet at the sound of the horn. I grabbed mine as well while I headed toward the door. I looked back at my mom to say goodbye, but as soon as I did, the door to her bedroom slammed and locked, and it was followed by crying and lots of it. For a moment, I actually thought about skipping school, not matter what the consequences, to go and comfort my mother who seemed to have finally broken because of me. That thought brought tears to my eyes. But then I thought about the way she looked at me in the kitchen. She looked at me as if there was something wrong with me and she wished she could fix it. I knew the last person she wanted comforting her was me. Kailey yanked my arm once more before I closed the front door and headed to school.

* * *

"Auntie Sam!" Kailey squealed when she saw Sam's blue van pull up around the student pick up/drop off. I had waited in the elementary school cafeteria for Kailey for about an hour before her class let out, seeing as how elementary school gets out later than high school. While I was waiting I had exchanged a few texts with Shawn; unwanted texts, that is.

**Shawn: **_what were r waring 2day?_

**Me: **_what do u mean?_

**Shawn: **_ppl r gonna no ur preggos if u dress like tht_

**Me: **_like wht?_

**Shawn: **_like nothing else fits u!_

**Me: **_nothing else does fit me shawn! weight gain is a part of pregnancy. U would no tht if u researched it_

**Shawn: **_y wuld I do tht? I dnt want 2 b apart of it. and I def dont want ppl thinkin I am_

**Me: **_…. Dnt ever talk 2 me again. _

I was still recovering from the conversation. I just couldn't believe he had the nerve to try and tell me what to do.

"Hey, kiddos!" Sam said to us as we were climbing into the car.

"Hey Auntie Sam!" Kailey yelled again. We hadn't seen her in a while and Kailey absolutely loved her aunt. It's not that I didn't, it's just that Sam is a lot like my parents in that "over protective" way. She's not like my parents in any other sense, though. I'd much rather her be my parent than my own. She was way more laid back.

"Hey, sweetie. Hey, Al. How was school, guys?" She asked as she eased the car on the main road.

"Fine." I replied. I didn't know if my parents had told her yet. I had assumed not because she was still looking at me the same way she always did. If she knew, she'd look at me and be disgusted, just like my parents.

"It was awesome! I played games, and took a math test, and went to recess, and had pizza for lunch, and -"

"Whoa, slow down kiddo! You can tell me all of it when we sit down for dinner. That way I can focus more on you and not this idiot in front of me. THE LIGHT'S GREEN! GO, ALREADY!" She honked the horn more times than necessary but that's what made Sam . . . Sam.

When we arrived at her house, it was quiet. Kory was asleep on the couch with Joshua in his lap. I smiled at them, as did Sam. She made her way into the kitchen to pull out a snack for Kailey and I, while Kailey immediately went to Josh's room to play with his toys. I sat at the table, staring at Sam, not sure what to say.

"Auntie Sam?"

"Yeah?" She said while pulling out the condiments to make PB&J sandwiches, Kailey's favorite.

"Has mom told you?"

She looked at me for a moment, blinked a couple of times, but then turned back to her sandwich making. "Told me about what?"

I swallowed. "Please don't make me say again." My voice cracked as a tear escaped unwillingly. "I hate saying it."

When I looked up at her, I realized I wasn't the only one crying. There were tears streaming down her face at a fast pace. Kailey and I had always been like daughters to Sam and Kory and I figured she would be just as sad and disappointed in me as my parents were. She made her way around the counter to the table to sit next to me and placed my hands into hers. It was really odd seeing her emotional side. The only other time I had ever seen it was at her wedding and that was seven years ago. Sam, to me anyway, had always been the fun loving aunt that let you get away with anything that your parents wouldn't. To see her differently made my heart sink. I did that to her. I made her act like an adult. Although that wasn't a bad thing, the _reason _why she changed for this moment was.

"Alaynah . . . I don't really know what to say to you. It's a tough road ahead for you and I'm sorry you're in this situation."

I knew she had more to say than just that. So I dug deeper. "What did you say to my mom?"

"Well, I said that she needed to talk to you and hear you out instead of -"

"No, no, I meant what did you say when this happened to her? When she was sixteen."

"Oh." She drew her hands back and rubbed them against her jeans.

"What's wrong?"

She looked at me with her big blue eyes. _I wonder what color my baby's eyes will be, _I randomly wondered. "I shouldn't have said the things that I said to Carly when I found out. I was being a jerk." She got up and finished making the sandwiches. When she called Kailey, both her and Josh came running into the kitchen. They both took a sandwich.

"Josh, that's for Alaynah! You already had lunch earlier. You can have the applesauce." Sam told him sternly. It was weird seeing her act as a mom as well.

"But I want it!" She stomped his foot at her. He had already taken a bite out of his sandwich and he had jelly smothered around his mouth. I smiled at his cuteness. Kailey stared back and forth between them while enjoying her favorite meal.

"It's okay, Sam." I told her and then looked at Josh. "You can have it."

"Yay!"

"Let's go play fort." Kailey said to him and led him to the play room.

"You need to eat." Sam said to me.

"I'm not hungry."

"It doesn't matter."

"Wow, you sound just like mom."

"That's because we both know what we're talking about."

I fidgeted in my chair, getting a little uncomfortable. I had never had a serious one on one conversation with Sam before and I felt out of my element. But I didn't have anyone else to talk to. Kailey didn't understand, my mom didn't even want to talk to me, and as far as I knew, my dad had dropped off the face of the earth. "You never answered my question."

"What question?" She asked while trying to busy herself by washing dishes and putting the dry ones away.

"What did you say to my mom when you found out she was pregnant?"

She took a deep breath, continued with the dishes, and said, "I told her she was a slut and she didn't deserve to be blessed with a baby. But I was mad and I didn't mean the things I said. She had kept the pregnancy a secret from me for months and I was offended that she couldn't tell me, her best friend. But I didn't realize all of the stuff she was going through. At the time, I hadn't realized how much of a struggle it would be to have a baby. And she had tried to get the abortion and -"

"Wait . . . What!? She . . . tried to get an . . . an . . . abortion?" My heart kept racing and slowing down and I felt like I was having a heart attack but I didn't understand why. I felt as if I should've been happy that I knew this because now I wouldn't feel bad if I wanted to get one, which I didn't know if I did or not. It felt wrong to end someone's life because I ruined my own.

"I . . . Oh my gosh. I'm sorry, Alaynah! I thought you knew."

"No, don't be sorry. I'm glad you told me." I half smiled at her. She half smiled back but it dropped suddenly. "What?"

"Nothing, it's just . . . that's how Freddie found out. He saw the abortion clinic bill. If you have ever wondered why Freddie gets really touchy feely about Carly's pregnancy with you, that's why. He felt guilty and mad and every other emotion you could feel when your life changes forever."

I nodded, not really sure how to respond. I actually had wondered that, but I didn't feel like speaking, just listening.

"After that, she told me. I got pissed, but got over it. Then she told Spencer, then Ms. Benson, and pretty much everyone else after that. It wasn't easy for her and it won't be for you either, no matter what you choose."

I looked at her. She had finally ran out of dishes to mess with and was standing still, leaning against the counter, facing me. "Choose?"

She stared at me with a questioning look for a minute before replying. "You know, abortion, adoption, or keeping it."

"I can't raise a baby on my own at fifteen . . . can I?"

"Alaynah, you can do whatever you want. You're parents raised you to believe that, right?"

She was right. They did raise me to believe that, but when they did, I don't think they had being a single teen parent in mind when they said _anything_. "Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"What do you think I should do?"

She smiled a little, not looking at me but past me, as if she were remembering something. "It's funny. Your dad asked me the same thing when Carly was pregnant and he didn't know what the right thing for her was. It's amazing how things like that will repeat themselves."

She wasn't looking at me and I felt awkward just staring at her.

"But to answer your question . . . I can't. You're the only one that knows for sure."

I knew she was right, even though I didn't want her to be. For the first time in my life, I actually wanted someone to tell me what to do. It would make my life so much easier. But life, unfortunately, wasn't easy. I was learning that the hard way.

* * *

**Carly's POV**

The lights were off and I couldn't see the glass of water I had poured myself that was sitting on the table in front of me. I had a soft blanket wrapped around me and my feet were pulled up in the chair I was sitting in. I buried my head in between my knees, trying to tire myself out with all of the thinking I was doing (but trying not to). All that was going through my mind was Freddie. I didn't know where he was or when he was coming home, if he even was. The last thing I had said to him before he left this morning was telling him we needed more milk. It was impossible to have an emotional conversation with him for the past couple of days. The only time we ever did talk was when it was about a chore that had to be done around the house or a bill that needed to be paid. I missed the days where we would come home from work and as soon as we saw each other we would both talk at the same time because we were so eager to tell each other about our days. But that hadn't happened in years. I was very scared for our marriage. I felt alone and afraid. It didn't help that Alaynah was pregnant, either. I lifted my head up and wiped the tears that had escaped. I was so tired of crying but for some reason, I couldn't stop. No matter what the situation, I would break down. Maybe I was depressed, or maybe I was just getting older, which sucked either way.

As I was trying to find my water, the front door opened and I immediately grew excited. But Freddie didn't have long hair that flowed down past his shoulders. But Alaynah did, and that's who was walking through the door. When she closed the door back, the light from the full moon faded away and the room grew dark again and the only light came from the nightlight that Kailey insisted they keep in hallway a couple feet away.

"Alaynah, what are doing just coming in!? It's 1AM in the morning!" As mad as I was at her, I stayed wrapped in my blanket. I was too mentally and physically exhausted to get out of my chair. I didn't know why I couldn't fall asleep. Probably because I didn't know where my husband was, but that was just a hunch. "I thought you came home with Kailey after dinner with Sam."

"No, I didn't. Kory drove Kailey home but I stayed with Sam. I wanted to talk to her."

"About what?"

She sat down in the chair across from me. She looked so small, so thin. I sometimes forgot that she was a couple months pregnant. "What do you think mom? The only thing I have been able to think about."

"Don't you want to talk to _me_?"

"Of course I do! But every time I try you either change the subject or make up an excuse to why you can't."

I thought about it for a moment and realized she was right. "I'm sorry. I'm just . . . I'm going through a lot right now. And I know you are too but . . . Alaynah things are bad. I try to keep up a good front for Kailey but it's getting really hard." My voice cracked at the end. More tears ran down my face. I didn't bother wiping them away. They were probably just the first of many.

"Where's dad?" Alaynah asked.

I shrugged.

She nodded.

"He'll be back." I told her, not looking at her.

She nodded again.

"I'm disappointed in you, Alaynah." I said. I actually said it to her. I had probably said it before, I couldn't remember, but it felt different this time. I wasn't saying it to make her feel bad. I was saying it so she knew and so we could work forward from it. I didn't want to be mad at her anymore and I knew she wanted the same.

"I know. I'm sorry, mom." She started crying as well.

"So, um, what did you and Sam talk about?"

"My options."

I nodded. "And . . ."

"And I still don't know what I'm going to do. I mean, what should I do?" She was starting to panic and I saw her hands shaking on top of the table.

"I can't answer that."

"That's exactly what Sam said. She said only I know what is best for me."

"Referring to this situation, she's right. Your aunt is very smart." I smiled at the thought of my best friend.

"Mommy."

I looked at her. She hadn't called me "mommy" in years. Her face was buried in her hands and I could hear her weeping through her fingers. I couldn't take the sight of her breaking down, so I walked over to her, wrapped the blanket around her while it was still wrapped around me and walked over to the couch where we laid there in a little soft bundle.

"Mommy, I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't think I can raise a baby on my own."

"Allie, there's no easy way out. No matter what you decide there's going to be consequences and you're going to have to deal with them."

"Okay."

I pulled her closer to my and laid her head against my chest, something I used to do when she had nightmares as a little girl and couldn't go back to sleep. It was strange to think that she would possibly be doing this in a few years when her toddler got scared and needed comfort. But I wasn't going to worry about that right now. I was going to fall asleep with my little girl in my arms, making sure she knows that I love her, and always will.

**Awwwww! That was sweet! I need to get Sam and Spencer into this story more but I have so much stuff to cram in in every chapter. But i'll try to do it! Okay, so hope you enjoyed that chapter! I will try to update as soon as I can but I'm not making a specific date cuz I am pretty busy in the next few weeks but I'll see what I can do :) btw, did you guys see the lying game, pretty little liars, and switched at birth this week!? I died. All of my fav shows in two days! Ahh! hahaha okay anways, please review, and love yall !:)**


	8. Author's Note

**Before I start I would just like to say, NO, I'M NOT CANCELING THIS SERIES. So, if that's what you thought this was, it's not**

**But I would like to say I'm sorry. I have been getting some reviews and PM's lately asking me to update and as much I would like to, I just don't have the time. For the first time, like… ever, I'm actually really trying hard in school. I've always averaged B's and that's fine, but I'm almost a junior which means I really need to start thinking about college and blah blah blah. I am actually enjoying having A's. And for the first time, I got all A's on my report card, which hasn't happened since elementary school. So with all of that happening, I didn't exactly have much free time on my hands and the free time I did have, I tried to hang out with my friends who I don't see much because of all the stupid rules of my house, but that's not the point. The point is I'm going to start trying to get this series going again. The next chapter is nearly done (and has been nearly done for a while now I just haven't been able to finish it). Here and there I will add a couple paragraphs and then get off, but guys, I'm really trying, I swear. I feel terrible for having you wait and pretty much abandon this story. I would never just leave it hanging for you guys to imagine what happens next. I feel horrible and I hope you guys can forgive me.**

**I'm not making any promises seeing as how SOL's are coming up (stupid tests you have to take the end of each year for your 4 core classes) and then after that its final exams, but I will try and have the next couple chapters up within the next month. If plans change I will let you know but for now that is the plan.**

**I love you guys so much and I can't express how sorry I am. Like, seriously, I'll get on my computer and be like "I should update it. I need to update it." Then I'll try and write but nothing comes up in my head that's good enough to type and then I'll think of something school related that needs to be done and figure that's a better use of my time.**

**And since I haven't updating in such a long time, I thought I'd give you guys a sneak peek what's to come:**

_He was holding back tears, I could hear it in his voice. "Carly, we both know that we only got together for Alaynah, and only stayed together for her too." He spoke as if he had rehearsed these lines a thousand times. It didn't matter what I said, he wasn't going to change his mind. Each response would answer all of my questions. It was like a play. You say your lines as best you, but if the other person screwed up, you just kept going, until you reached the end. That's where me and Freddie we headed: the end._

**Stay tuned!**


	9. Be Okay

**I did it! Yay! I updated! :) I wasn't planning on updating today but I had some extra time and I thought, why not!? You guys desrve it for being so patient, althought I've probably lost alot of followers due to my lack of updating, which I have explained in the previous chapter's author's note but nevertheless, I'm still very sorry for the long wait but I hope this is worth it! I wrote the first half of this months ago so if it seems to have a different . . . tone? . . . then that's why. When I was writing the first half, I was suffering from writers block so . . . sorry lol. Also, I say "as if" alot so that's a warning. I can't help it. I just really like analogies lol. Soooo I guess . . . read, enjoy and review! Love you guys! :):)**

**I do not own iCarly.**

"Woo! C'mon, Kailey!" I screamed, not that it made a difference. There were tons of people around me yelling louder. Next to me, Alaynah screamed the same thing, adding in, "If you don't win, I'll pound you until a trophy comes out". I scowled at her and she stopped threatening and started cheering again. The score was 16 – 18; the other team.

"Can I have some money for a hot dog?" Alaynah asked me, trying to yell over the cheering crowd.

"No, Alaynah. You can't stuff yourself with that kind of food. It's not good for you or the baby."

She shrugged and took a gulp of her water. We had been on better speaking terms the past few days. As much as I was still mad at her, I couldn't isolate her from my life. She needed my help and I wasn't going to deprive her of that. After all, she was going through a tougher situation than I ever had to. She was doing this a year earlier than me and by herself. It couldn't have been easy. We talked a lot about the baby but never really about how she was feeling. She did tell me the other day that she didn't know if she wanted to keep it or not. I had told her that I would support her no matter what, but no decision that she made was going to be easy. It would be better if Freddie had been there too. Hell, it would be better if Freddie was here now. He had called to tell me that he was staying at Sam and Kory's house so he could "sort things out". I wanted to yell, scream, and even hit him, but I knew that wouldn't solve anything. And at this point, I didn't know what would.

All of a sudden, our side of the gymnasium cheered loudly as Kailey made the 3-point shot that won the game. Alaynah and I stood up and screamed her name in joy. She did her little victory dance and then joined the team circle. We made our way down the bleachers, through the dissolving crowd, and tried to reach her. We heard the infamous chant that they sang after every win, "Go Panthers", and then they dispersed to their families. Kailey ran up to me and I pulled her in my arms and picked her up.

"I'm so proud of you! You did great, sweetie." Still in my arms, she wrapped her arms around my neck as we made our way to parking lot.

"Good job, squirt." Alaynah said to her. Kailey smiled back at her sister.

"So, congratulatory fro-yo run anyone? Fro-yo's better than a hot dog, in health and taste." I suggested to the girls as I merged onto the main road.

"Yes!" Both of them said in unison.

I drove down to our local Sweet Frog and sat at our usual table as the girls got their yogurt. Kailey got a large bowl so I could share with her. When they sat down, we all dug in.

"Allie, I keep forgetting, how far along are you?" Kailey asked with a mouthful of cappuccino flavored frozen yogurt.

"Um, around 4 months . . ." She kept her head down and played with her yogurt.

"Allie, you need to see a doctor. You're not even sure you're really that far along." I told her.

"Yes I do. I counted."

"But you don't know when the baby was actually conceived. It doesn't always happen right when you're having . . ." I looked at Kailey who was in my lap.

"Having what?" She asked.

"Uh . . . um . . ." Before I could think, I shoved a spoonful of yogurt into her mouth. All three of us laughed, momentarily forgetting what our conversation was about. I looked at Allie again. "I'm taking you to the doctor on Monday."

"Mom, no."

"Alaynah, yes."

"No!" A couple of bystanders glanced our way.

"Alaynah Marie, we're going to the doctor on Monday."

"Listen mom, I know you're trying to help me, okay? I get it. But this is my body, _my baby, _and I can do whatever I want with it. So stop trying to control me. I can take care of myself."

"Exactly, Alaynah. You can take care of _yourself. _You and only you. But can you take care of a baby?"

She looked back down at her yogurt. "I know mom, I know."

Kailey had been keeping quiet throughout the conversation. I had thought that it was because she was staying cautious of me and her sister, but when I looked down at her, she was clutching her stomach and bending over. All of a sudden, there was brown slush all around my shoes. And it wasn't just a one and done deal; no. She kept heaving and heaving and it seemed like she had a black hole as a stomach. I think I saw last week's pork chops in there somewhere. Alaynah had fled to the bathroom when Kailey first started, probably trying to avoid doing the same thing. The whole Sweet Frog crowd just stared in awe. One gentleman handed me a couple napkins when Kailey had finally finished throwing up, and I wiped her face with them.

"I told you this morning I didn't feel good." She said to me in a weak voice.

"I know, I know. I'm so sorry for not listening, sweetie." I wiped her mouth clean. "Now go to the bathroom and wash up and when you're done, get your sister so we can go home." She nodded and headed back to the bathrooms.

"I'm so sorry!" I pleaded to the girl behind the cash register. "Do you want me to stay and clean it up?"

"No, no, don't worry about it. It actually happens more times than you would think." I smiled a bit. "We'll take care of it."

I paid her an extra ten to make up for it. When the girls were ready, we got into the car, and drove home.

* * *

"Allie, take your sister inside, put her in bed, and make some tea for her, please." I told Alaynah and I helped Kailey out of the car who was still clutching her stomach. We had to stop twice on the highway for her to empty her stomach.

"But mom, what if she pukes on me!?" She protested, trying to distance herself from Kailey who was in desperate need for some rest.

"Well you do realize babies do much more than throw up, right? They burp, poop, spit -"

"Okay! I get it." She motioned toward Kailey. "Come here." Kailey slowly made her way to her sister and they walked into the house together. When Alaynah noticed me walking back towards the car, she stopped. "Where are you going?"

I wanted to tell her but then she would just ask more questions that I wasn't prepared to answer. "I'm going to get some ginger ale for Kailey at the store. It helps with the nausea." She nodded and continued to the house.

As I was driving towards Sam's I realized I hadn't really _readied _myself for what I was getting myself into. I didn't even really want to talk to Freddie, but I knew at some point, we would have to confront each other. Maybe I could just tell him about Kailey and then leave. Maybe he wouldn't want to talk about anything else. Or maybe he did. Maybe he would tell me he wanted to get back together. Maybe he would tell me he loves me for the first time in weeks. Or . . . or maybe he would just stare back at me when I opened the door, not saying anything. Which was exactly what he was doing.

"Hi." I said to him, not knowing what else I _could _say.

"Hey. Um, Sam's at the store and Kory took Josh to the park."

"Okay. I didn't really come to see either of them."

He seemed shocked, as if the thought of me coming to talk to my husband was the craziest thing in the world. "Oh."

"Yeah . . ."

I swayed back from my heel to the sole of my feet over and over waiting for him to say something else. But he didn't. He kept staring at the welcome mat which was ironic, seeing as how that was the last thing I actually was; welcome.

"So . . . you can come in if you want."

_If I want? Did you really expect to have a conversation on the porch in the 36 degree weather?_ I tried my hardest to not reply sarcastically to him. I scooted past him awkwardly so that I bodies wouldn't touch. When I was inside, I turned around and looked at him; he looked awful. He was wearing torn up jeans, a dark gray sweater with a ketchup stain on one shoulder and a hole on the other. His hair was tousled as if he had just hopped out of bed and by the length of his stubble I assumed he hadn't shaved in a couple of days.

"How have you been?" I asked gently. I stood at the edge of the table as he sat down expecting me to do the same, but I didn't. He was playing with his hands. I glanced quickly over at the living room and saw a blanket, pillow, and suitcase with clothes scattered around it. I sighed. _Our bed is so much warmer, especially with both of us in it, _I thought to myself.

"I've been good." He looked up at me. "Um, I took a few days off of work so I could think about things, but um, other than that I've been . . ." He trailed off, looked past me, not at me anymore.

"That's good." It had never been this hard to carry on a conversation with Freddie. If we didn't have anything to talk about, we would always talk about something irrelevant, but that didn't seem appropriate for this situation.

"How about you?" He looked at me once again with hopeful eyes, probably hoping I was going to admit to being miserable. There was no way in hell that was going to happen, atleast before he did.

"Fine . . . good . . . great!" I lied.

He nodded. "And the girls? Didn't Kailey have a game today?"

I nodded.

"Tell her I'm so sorry for missing it. I didn't wake up until noon and by then I -"

"It's okay, Freddie. She's fine without you there." When I saw his expression change drastically, I thought about what I had just said. "Oh God, no! I didn't mean it like that! What I meant was she was okay with you not being at the game, not out of her life!" He still looked hurt. "She really misses having you around." _I miss having you around . . ._

He nodded again, not convinced.

"She's actually why I came over here. Um, she hadn't been feeling well and after the game I took her to get frozen yogurt and she got sick at the shop. Like really sick. Like disgustingly sick."

He cringed. "Sorry I couldn't be there to help. Is she alright now?"

"I told Alaynah to help her. She needs the practice." I said without looking at him.

At the sound of Alaynah's name, he looked directly at me. "How's Allie doing?"

I looked away, willing myself not to cry. I told myself I was done crying for her. "I mean . . . she's doing the best that she can. _I'm _doing the best that I can. She doesn't want to talk about the baby. I don't even know if she wants to keep the baby."

"Can you blame her? She's 15 years old? That's a year younger than we were."

"I'm aware of that, Freddie." I said, bitterly.

He didn't seem fazed by comment. "What have you told her? Like, her options?"

I sat down at the table with him finally. I hadn't realized how tired I was. I rubbed my temples like Freddie used to do for me when I was stressed. It wasn't the same. "Like I told you, she doesn't want to talk to be about the baby. But she doesn't seem to have a problem talking to Sam about it." He gave me a questioning look. "She came over here the other day and asked her for advice. I'm her mom! I should be the one giving advice."

"Carly . . ."

"Yeah, I know, I know. I yell and scream at her all the time and that's why she doesn't come to me. I know."

"That's not what I was going to say. I actually don't really want to talk about Allie anymore. I want to talk about us."

_No, please no. Let's just drag on about Alaynah. Let's talk about Alaynah. I don't want to talk about us. If we talk about us, there won't be an "us". Please, no. No. _"Okay."

"Remember what you said? About . . . divorce?" He was still playing with his hands on top of the table. When we were younger, I would always put my hands on top of his to steady them. I hated being this far apart from him, physically at the table and emotionally.

"I don't know . . . I was screaming and that whole night is kind of a huge blur." I lied. I remember exactly what I said. _"This marriage is fake. It's always been fake! You never loved me and I sure as hell didn't love you! I want a divorce."_

"Well, I remember. You said our marriage wasn't real. And you wanted a divorce."

"Our marriage is real, Freddie! I was upset and I just said something that I knew would make you just as mad as I was! I didn't mean it! I swear."

He was holding back tears, I could hear it in his voice. "Carly, we both know that we only got together for Alaynah, and only stayed together for her too." He spoke as if he had rehearsed these lines a thousand times. It didn't matter what I said, he wasn't going to change his mind. Each response would answer all of my questions. It was like a play. You say your lines as best you, but if the other person screwed up, you just kept going, until you reached the end. That's where me and Freddie were headed: the end.

"That's not true . . ." Even though to a certain extent I knew it was.

"I hired a divorce lawyer."

"Freddie!"

He wasn't listening to me anymore. He was just reading his lines. "I have an appointment on Monday."

This wasn't him. This wasn't Freddie. And if he was going to be fake, so was I. "Fine."

He looked up from his hands to me quickly. He looked startled, as if he had just found out he had cancer. "Fine?"

I dried my tears and sat up straight. If I was going to put up a front, it was going to be good. "I'll hire one as well. I'm going to request joint custody. I would never deprive you of seeing you're daughters. Okay?"

I didn't wait for him to reply because it seemed liked from the look on his face it was going to be a while before he did and because it was only a matter of time before I broke. I grabbed my purse and ran out the door to my car. I tried to find the key to unlock it but my hands were shaking too much for me to focus. Out of frustration, I threw my purse on the ground and leaned against the car, bawling. I slid down and wrapped my arms around my knees, trying to protect myself; from Freddie, from the hurt, the pain, and everything that came with it. I buried my head in between my knees. My teenage daughter was pregnant. I was getting a divorce. Life had beaten me.

* * *

**Alaynah POV**

"So how have things been at home?" Cassidy asked me as I grabbed the rest of my books for last period out of my locker. "I noticed your dad hasn't been teaching my physics class lately."

"Yeah, he's been staying at a family friend's house to, as my mom says, 'sort things out'."

"Allie, I'm so sorry."

"That's the least of my problems right now." I sighed. I shrugged my bag onto my other shoulder while we walked to English together. I stared at my feet as we were walking. They we getting bigger. My mom had told me it was because the extra weight and they would start to swell if I was on them for long periods of time. I hated that she was right. "Kailey is sick and my mom is too distraught over my dad to take care for her so I have to. Ever since she came home after the basketball game, she's been so . . . ."

"Moody? Bitchy?" Cassidy suggested.

"Sad."

She didn't say anything after that for a few moments. We had decided to take the long way to class, but when I saw Shawn, I immediately regretted it. He looked completely normal, as if his life hadn't been changed drastically. Well, I guess it hadn't. He didn't have to walk around with this huge secret that was getting bigger and bigger every day. He didn't have to go around disappointing everyone that he cared about. He got to walk around with a blonde tramp holding on to his arm as if she was _his. _She wasn't. This baby was his.

I saw her whisper something in his ear as they saw us. He laughed as he looked at me.

"Allie."

I fought the urge to cry. "What?"

"I promise you, it's not that funny."

I nodded, not convinced, but too exhausted to care. The bell rang above us, but class was still about 2 minutes away and it wasn't worth it. My dad wasn't there to lecture me about skipping class so there was really no motivation to even try. I walked quickly to the nearest bathroom while the rest of the crowd scattered to their classrooms before the second bell. Cassidy followed.

I turned the sink on with cold water and splashed myself with it. I thought that maybe it would wake me up from this horrible nightmare that didn't seem to favor me at all. I just wanted this to be over. I couldn't tell anyone that because this was my fault, which was probably the hardest thing for me to grasp.

"You alright?" Cassidy asked as she rubbed my back to calm me down. I wanted nothing more than to shove it off and scream at her, but that was the hormones. She was just trying to help.

I turned to look at her. "No, I'm not alright Cass! My life is falling apart! And not in that 'oh no, I failed my math test' kind of falling apart. In a 'I'm pregnant, the baby's dad wants nothing to do with it or me, and my parents hate each other' kind." I was gasping for air after I finished, not realizing that I was hyperventilating as I was speaking. Cassidy grabbed me by the shoulders and told me to calm down but it clearly wasn't working, seeing as how I had to clutch the sink to keep my balance. Cassidy pulled out the paper bag her lunch had been in and handed it to me to breathe into. I did as instructed and eventually I calmed down, but it wasn't a fast process. By the time I was back to normal, it was halfway into last period and it was getting to the point where students were getting tired of their classes and lied to their teachers that they had to go to the bathroom, but in reality just wanted an excuse to get out of class for ten minutes. Cassidy and I had settled ourselves in the corner of the handicapped stall and were doing our algebra II homework. She had suggested it, thinking it would distract me from my "falling apart" life. And it did, in a way. For about 30 minutes, I got to read about scenarios such as "if it took fifteen minutes to walk a mile, how long would it take to walk 18 miles?" Simple, but fiction. I got to indulge myself in a problem that wasn't my own for once. It felt good.

**RRRRIIIIIIINNNNNNGGGG**

"Time to go home." Cassidy casually said as she filled her backpack back up with all of the content she had taken out.

"Home…" I muttered under my breath. It hadn't felt like home recently, with my dad not there. I had realized that I had never been away from my father for this amount of time and I didn't like it. He wasn't even at school anymore. As much as he pissed me off at times, he was still my dad and I didn't want to live like this for the rest of my life. I wanted him home.

"I can drive you home. You don't have to take the bus."

"Okay . . . Wait, can you take me some place else?"

She shrugged. "Where?"

* * *

"Thanks." I said to Cassidy. She waved as she drove off. As soon as I stepped onto the pathway to the door, I regretted coming. I heard the TV on full blast and Joshua screaming at the top of his lungs, and I was still atleast 20 feet from the house with all of the doors and windows closed. I braced myself for hell as I knocked on the door. Then I realized the TV was probably way too loud for my knock to be heard. I turned the knob that was never locked and witnessed chaos. Kory was chasing Josh around the living room, who wasn't wearing any pants. Sam came out of Josh's room and handed Kory the pants to put on Josh, but that just prompted more running from the six year old. I didn't see my dad until Josh ran into him on the way to the bathroom where he then locked himself inside. Dad laughed at him, Sam hit him for laughing and attempted to unlock the door with no luck. As Dad made his way to the living room, his eyes fell on me.

"Alaynah?" He squinted, as if he were imagining it.

I half smiled. "You know with the madness of this house, someone could easily rob this place. I've been standing here for atleast five minutes unnoticed."

"Yeah." He half smiled as well. "What are you doing here?"

Suddenly, Kory took a double take when he saw me, realizing I wasn't a resident, and waved. I waved back, then he proceeded to help his wife with their son. "I . . . just wanted to see you. I missed you." I said sadly.

He half smiled again, but this time it was a sad smile. The smile he put on when he was trying to make everything seem fine when it was the complete opposite. When my rabbit, Mr. Hoppers, died, he put on that smile and at the time he had convinced me that everything _was _going to be alright. But I wasn't five anymore. I knew when something was broken and couldn't be fixed. I didn't know if that was the case with my parents but if it wasn't, I did know it was going to take a lot of duct tape and super glue. A lot. And if it was, no smile would be able to make me feel better. _Nothing _would make me feel better.

"Baby, I miss you too." He pulled me in for a hug but I retreated and wished that I hadn't as soon as I saw the look on his face.

"Then come home. If you miss me so much, _come home._" I pleaded. The TV was still extremely loud and I hoped he wouldn't be able to hear my desperation. I doubted that my mom had told him how bad it really was at home. She had probably lied and said everything was great, even better, without him. That is, if they were speaking.

"Alaynah, I can't. Not right now." His eyes were crying but no tears were coming out. He had probably been crying for days and didn't have any tears left. I knew the feeling.

"So you're just going to leave? When things are tough, you just walk out!? Sounds like that dumbass Shawn."

"I'm not leaving! I'm just taking a breather. I'm not ready to deal with all of this right now."

"And I am!? I'm fifteen! I'm not ready to have a baby but it's happening anyway!" The TV might have been on maximum volume but I'm pretty sure China heard my say that. Dad's face turned blue and I was genuinely scared he was going to pass out. Even Sam and Kory glanced at us from the bathroom, then at each other. Dad looked at me one last time before starting to the living room again, turning down Fairly OddParents, and sitting down on the couch. I stayed where I was. I fought back tears. "Do you think mom is ready to handle two kids by herself, one of which is pregnant? She's not. But she stayed."

He looked up at me desperately, as if he was silently screaming for help from his own life.

"What I'm trying to say is, you can't just 'take a breather' when things get hard. I mean, you should know that; you didn't walk away when mom was pregnant. You already did the hard part."

The look he gave me next was worse than looking at the blue oval that indicated I was pregnant. "Alaynah, do you know what it's like to have your child become exactly what you hoped they wouldn't be?" He started out looking at me but then looked past me, as if he were speaking to someone else. "And the thing you didn't want them to become is exactly what you used to be? No, you couldn't possibly imagine because you're not me or your mother." He spoke with such anger that I was almost afraid to come and sit next to him, even though I wanted nothing more than to lean against his body and let him tell me that everything was going to be okay, even though I would know he was lying. It would feel good that he was atleast trying. But I sat anyways.

He looked at me and I wished he hadn't because it was full of disappointment in me. "I'm sorry, daddy." My voice cracked.

"Tell me, what did I do wrong? Please, _please, _tell me, so I don't screw up your sister too."

He was so mad. I had never seen him this angry. I mean, yeah, he got mad when I didn't do my chores or when I left the lights on in my room, but he had never been like this before, atleast with me. "You didn't . . . I just thought I knew more than you and mom . . . it wasn't your fault."

"Well clearly it was!" He stood up, took a few steps back away from me, and then faced me again. "If I hadn't gotten your mom pregnant, you wouldn't think that having sex was such a casual thing. I should've been a better example." He was talking to himself now. "I should've shown you the right way a boy should treat a girl. If I had treated you mom better, maybe you would've found a guy who treated you the way I treated her. God, I'm so stupid!"

"Dad, stop! Just stop -"

"I'm a terrible parent . . ."

I stood in front of him, not being able to take his self degrading any longer. "No, you're not! A terrible parent would've let me do whatever I wanted. Date whoever I wanted, sleep with whoever I wanted, move in with whoever I wanted and not give a shit."

"Watch the language." He said subconsciously.

I rolled my eyes. "A terrible parent wouldn't care that I was pregnant. A terrible parent would probably give me money to go take care of it. You actually _care. _At times it may get annoying how much you care, but I love you for it." I hugged him tightly and he hesitated to hug me back but eventually returned the gesture.

"I love you, too." I smiled, but frowned when he backed up.

"What?"

"Nothing, just . . . I can feel . . ." He stuttered.

"What?" I asked confused, then looked where he was looking; my stomach. I couldn't feel the baby move yet, so he was probably referring to my barely there bump that I had been trying my hardest to keep hidden. "Oh yeah . . . that." I looked up at him. "Mom wants me to go to the doctor."

"You haven't gone yet?" He asked, surprised.

I shook my head.

"Well, she's right. They need to make sure everything is alright and you need to start taking a pre natal." We both sat back down on the couch once again.

"You sound like an expert."

"I have experience." He said with a smile.

I smiled as well. I glanced at the clock and realized I was supposed to be home an hour ago. "Mom's gonna freak out if I don't get home soon."

He nodded. "Yeah, you better get going."

I stood up to start leaving, but then turned back around to my dad. "Come with me."

He sighed and looked down at the floor while rubbing the back of his neck. "I can't, Allie."

"C'mon! I need a ride anyways. And besides, we patched things up, I'm sure you and mom can too."

"Allie, it's not that simple -"

"Yes it is!" I exclaimed, getting angry. I wanted my family back. I wanted everything to be okay and I didn't think that would be possible without him. "Why wouldn't it be!?"

His facial expression changed drastically. He was hiding something; we had the same tell. We both refused to make eye contact with the person we were lying to. "Allie . . . I love you, alright?"

"What the hell is going on?

"Language, Allie."

"I don't give a damn about cursing right now, dad! What is going on with you and mom?"

He wiped his eyes one last time before speaking. "Me and your mom have agreed . . ."

I swallowed, a lump rising in my throat, afraid of what he was going to say. I had a hunch, but I was praying I was wrong.

"We've agreed to get a divorce."

I wasn't wrong. I was right. And I was broken.

**Dun dun dun! DIVORCE! Omg this chapter was so sad to write... but I hope you liked it! It might be a little while before the next chapter is up (prob a nother week or two?) but the more reviews I get the faster I will update, I promise :):) Oh and wish me luck on my SOL's next week! Thanks for reading guys and I love you so much! Thanks for sticking with me!33**


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